Tag Archives: chronic pain

The Tears of My Heart

12 May

This is a post that I wrote in 2016 that I decided needed to be dusted off and shared again.

~~~

I found this in my drafts folder earlier this week and decided that it is ready to be shared. While I now have a diagnosis and somewhat-of-a-plan for a cure, these feelings do so frequently overwhelm me and I once again, have to remind myself of the unfailing love of my Saviour.

tearsofmyheart

I feel the tears fill my eyes. One by one they drop to my cheek, and follow the curve down to my chin. Drip. Drip. Drip. I reach up to wipe them away, but what’s this? My cheek is dry, as are my eyes. As I rub my fingers together I realize the tears are not outside, but in. It is inside that is aching. Longing. Crying. But these tears cannot be wiped away so easily with a delicate handkerchief or manicured nails. These require connection, vulnerability and love. Confession of the heart is of the utmost importance if one wants to heal it. But what do I have to confess?

Anger. Frustration. Hurt. All over seemingly-unanswered prayer. Anger that this pain has inhibited 10 years of my life. Frustration that a cure remains beyond my grasp. Hurt that I cannot go on as those around me – event after event.

But this type of contemplation only brings tears that fall onto my cheek. Tears that will need to be wiped away before they fall from my trembling chin. It would be better, rather, to focus on getting through the pain. Accepting my limitations and counting the many blessings I am surrounded with.  So, while the aching inside me continues, I will work to let Him heal it. For I, on my own, cannot heal such a hurt. Even while the tears threaten to overflow my eyes, I will lift my face to the sun and praise Him who has made me and sustained me and blessed me beyond measure.

“Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me. 

Bless His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,

who forgives your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good,

so that your youth is renewed like the eagles wings.”

Psalm 103:1-5

*If you have or are struggling with unanswered prayer I encourage you to keep faith! Continue asking and seeking the Lord. His answer might not be the one you (or I) want but His plan far surpasses any plan we can invent. He is the author of everything, give your pain and struggles to Him daily. He can handle them.

~Laura

 

~~~

If you’re interested in some more posts on pain, check out How much more will Chronic Illness steal from me? ,  Chronic Illness Silence   and Encouragement for living with Chronic Illness

Health Update January 2020

30 Jan

Hello again friends, thanks for coming back to SGL. It has been several months since I’ve done a health update and I honestly debated about continuing them. But, as I decided the beginning of last year, I need this monthly posts to help me keep an idea of just how I’ve been. It’s so very easy to get lost in the day to day haze of pain and brain fog that I can’t recollect the better days – or the worse ones.

The other thing I wanted to do was to change up the format for them but I couldn’t figure out a way to do that, that would still provide the information that I need (and that I want to share). If you have any suggestions, or a blog to recommend that does regular health updates, I am definitely open to hearing them.

fightinglymemigraines

As a look at Overall Health, it’s harder to peg this one down since it’s been so many months. I have had good stretches alongside ones that I barely dragged through each day. I do feel like I’m in the middle of a better stretch – this would mean that my fatigue isn’t so overwhelming, migraines are calmer/respond to treatment, brain fog tends to be a little less, etc. And let me tell you, I’m so thankful for this pause in extreme pain.

Let’s move on to the rest of the update, shall we?

Here are the notes that I kept on my phone:

Nov 30 – exhausted and headachy all day.  Took 2 short naps.  Cycle due any day. Hungrier than normal past few days. 
Dec 2 -mega fatigue all day.  Took 2 naps.  Migraine kicked up bad , hard to get the pain to ease.  Tylenol, Bayer, ice pack and a nap finally did.
11th – woke up with fatigue and migraine, pretty severe till @2pm. Felt better but still both present all day. A bit moody in evening
12th – woke up pretty good, pain hit @2pm, finally eased @4. Left calf and foot hurting and painful cramps. Poor circulation in legs recently . A bit moody in evening again.
14- woke up exhausted.  Fatigue staying all day so far.  Some head pain as well
Dec 29- very busy day in bend.  drove home in evening.  No major migraine/fatigue/crash whole time we were there. Did really well
Dec 30 – woke up very tired but ok. Took nap early afternoon.  Ran errand. Felt really good early evening.  Aches and migraine kicked up in evening. Soaked feet and took tylenol,  eased it. 
Dec 31 cycle started.  Felt pretty well all day,  tired but not terribly.
JAN 1ST- cycle aches all day.  Lazy day with minimal activity.  Joint pain increased in evening.  Went to bed with ice pack on knees.  It’s been weeks since I needed that

Jan 14 – introduced bananas back into my diet. Felt good in am, very tired by noon. Pretty short attention span all day. About an hr nap after lunch.  Exhausted and achy pain suddenly in evening.  Was able to calm it down decently with ice and tylenol.

Migraine: the severity has decreased most of the time. Sometimes, I get sideswiped by a particularly nasty one however. I’m still taking 4.5 mg of the Low Dose Naltrexone every night and I believe these have helped a lot.

Sleep:  I’m getting about 7 hours each night, with the normal 2 or 3 wakings. I am also putting this to the LDN’s. I do frequently take involuntary naps however.

Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved some, but when the brain fog hits – it hits hard and doesn’t want to lift. Sometimes I won’t notice how bad it is until I leave the house/try holding a conversation with someone

Vision: I have had several scintillating scotomas, and do occasionally have times where my eyes just don’t want to focus.

TMJ:  My jaw doesn’t pop very often at all anymore and mostly, this pain has diminished. It’s never gone completely, but many days it’s not so severe that I am distracted by it.

Fatigue:  I am able to push myself more than I have in years, probably. But, of course, I do have days where I just am relegated to the couch because I am so fatigued. Or that I just need to space out what I plan, to give my body the rest it needs. – this hasn’t changed much from my last update back in August

Fibromyalgia:  This is a persistent, constant pain. Especially in my knee, elbow, ankle joints. Frequently it rears in my hip as well. I have noticed the random twitches that I get have been increasing over the months.

Weight Loss: Not at all. It’s been more of a weight gain issue. Very frustrating.

Mood: This has been very back and forth lately.

Digestion:   This has been good for me – which means, still not where it should ideally be, but for me, it’s okay.

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Dec 14, 2019

Earlier this month, I did some blood tests and am waiting to talk with my doctor about the results. I am, of course, hoping that they will reveal just what is going on inside me and will give us a path on which to base the new protocol that I’m going to start.

Over the month of December, I cut out ALL sugars – even natural – in the hopes that it would ease some of the inflammation in my body. But it didn’t seem to do anything, so I’ve been able to add bananas and honey back in. I’ve been adding them back in very slowly, trying to keep track of how I react. I am looking forward to adding strawberries back into my diet soon!

I hope the pictures (that I grabbed from my Instagram account) give you maybe a better idea of the ups and downs these past months. Due to a lot of negative comments, I’ve really cut back on the ‘pain’ photos that I feel tend to capture the level of pain that I’m in, so it makes it a bit harder to really get the point across. Because of that, I’ve noticed that I don’t share quite as much on IG as I used to. But since it’s still the biggest part of my life – this fighting for my health – I’m going to try and share more of both the dark days and the better days. I’d like to also increase how much I talk about chronic illness here on SGL. If there’s any topic you’d be interested in reading about, please ask!
If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this post, THANKS! I appreciate you giving me some of your precious time,
Blessings,
Laura 

Health Update August 2019

10 Sep

Hello again friends. Thanks for stopping by SGL for this month’s health update. Fighting Lyme Disease is definitely the hardest thing I’ve done – and that will probably always be true. This journey to health is so up and down that it’s easy to get disheartened. Thankfully, I’ve been coming out of  the crash I was in and have been able to enjoy the last bit of summer. As well as start preparing for a new addition to our little family come the beginning of October.

 

fightinglymemigraines

 

Overall Health: There’s improvement in the wind, folks. I stopped taking the atovaquile/Malarone and my fatigue diminished greatly.

8-5 tired all day and dealt with keeping migraine down BUT,  was up and about a lot. Had odd energy, pretty clear brain too
8-6 crushing fatigue late am on. Some fibro in feet and calves. 
RELATED to: eating corn? Overdoing it yesterday? 
8-7 better,  about halfway between the 5th and 6th. Still fatigued but up and about.  
8-8 low energy and so fatigued again 
8-17 Started cordyceps 1/day am. Decent energy,  tho tired in am, fatigue hit afternoon but didn’t nap! Fell asleep at 9pm. 
8-20 increased cordyceps 2/day. Fatigue still very strong. 
8-23 drove  to bend.  Seized back had eased enough from Wednesday eve.  Felt pretty well all day,  took short nap late afternoon. 
8-24 – stomach upset off and on all day. Decent energy. Some fibro flaring in my feet.  
Since stopping  the Malarone on the 22nd, fatigue has eased considerably. Rash on face is still present, flares every 4 to 5 days probably.  (Strange)

Migraine:  One near-nuclear migraine with several that were really hard to get the pain level down. But, I really am surprised at how these have minimized. Now, before you get too excited, I do still have pain every day. But there’s been more days that I didn’t take any Clonidine til evening. I am chalking this improvement up to the 4.5 mg of the LDNs that I take every evening. (Low Dose Naltrexone).

Sleep:  I’m getting more like 8 to 9 hours each night, with the normal 2 or 3 wakings. I am also putting this to the LDN’s. I haven’t been needing naps daily either, which is so very nice.

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Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little bit more – I’m noticing I’m able to recall words/names easier. But when the brain fog hits – man, it hits. *same as last month

Vision: The scintillating scotomas have eased since I stopped the Malarone. I did start to lose my vision once this past month.

TMJ:  It’s been hurting a bit more but I still am blaming that on the fact that when I nap, I don’t put in my night guard. It has been quite tense this past week though.

Fatigue:  As I said, this has decreased even more. I am able to push myself more than I have in years, probably. But, of course, I do have days where I just am relegated to the couch because I am so fatigued. Or that I just need to space out what I plan, to give my body the rest it needs.

Fibromyalgia:  Thankfully, this has eased as well! I only get the nerve pain in my feet when I’ve been walking a lot (or have sugar). My calf has calmed down SO much. My back has seized up twice this month but I think that’s because of my weight.

Screenshot_20190910-112524_Instagram

Weight Loss: Nope. But, I’m trying to get out and walk more and do mini workouts when I feel well enough to.

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it.  *I’m leaving this up because I’ve increased this to 2 tsps a day and it’s so worth it.

Digestion:   This has been a little more touchy lately. Out of the blue my stomach will get really upset. I have some ideas of what maybe I’m not digesting well but…

 

Now, if you’re interested in what prompted me to stop taking the Malarone after a month of taking it, I’ll tell you. My doctor really wanted me to stay on it but a few days before heading to visit my parents, I was thinking about it and the 3 hour drive and all, and I realized that I just couldn’t do one. more. day. of taking the pills that were making me feel like I was going to fall asleep at any moment. Or that were causing major brain fog, increased scintillating scotomas and increased fibropain. I debated about it, researched it, but decided that I know my body best, and that I was just at the end of what I could stand. Within just 12 hours of stopping, I could tell a difference. And then, just days after, there was even more of a change. I’m so glad I remembered to be my own advocate.

 

~Laura

How are you feeling lately?

Health Update July 2019

3 Aug

It’s funny how the hardest part of writing these updates is this introduction. I rarely know just what I want to say right off, so I end up staring at the page, wishing I could just write something, because the rest of the post is done and then I can finish it off! Alas, intros are hard. Apparently. Maybe not for you though.

Anyhow, I’ve gotten this one written up at last.

fightinglymemigraines

 

 

Overall Health: I think I can say that, yet again, I’m doing better. Fatigue, while less than it was, is still a major struggle. My fibromyalgia has kicked up in my back and calves/feet again.

7/22- increased LDN to 2.5mg a day.
7/24- started atovaquile, taking at breakfast – before 9am. Felt decent all day,  worked in yard am.  Tired in evening but no big crash
7/25- fatigue all day long. Felt good aside from it. Couldn’t nap.  Migraine tried to flare mid aft. 
7/26- felt well,  cleaned in am.  Fatigue hit around 11am. Related to new pills? 
7/29 increased  LDN to 3 mg. Slept better,  fuzzy brain early am next morning
7/30 – felt good in am,  cleaned house and worked out. Tired in aft but not overwhelming.  Napped after dinner.  Migraine kicked up to a 7? Back/left calf hurt evening and all night. 

7/31 – ran errands in morning, felt ‘off’ and was sensitive to smells while out.  vision loss and nuclear migraine early afternoon, slept/cried/iced for about 4 hours, felt decent enough to get up and make dinner.

8/1 – fragile and dealing with aftermath of nuclear migraine. trying to keep the migraine from flaring again

Migraine:  Only one nuclear migraine (and that was the 31st!)  Mostly, the pain level gets to an 8. And hovers. I’ve had a bit of the odd visual auras (which I found out at my last dr appt that it’s called scintillating scotoma) but not near as much as last month.

Sleep:  I’m still getting 6 to 7 hours a night, with at least 3 wakings. Majority of them I need the ice pack on the pillow.  But there was about a week where I barely needed the ice pack. *yes, this is the exact same as last month!*

Screenshot_20190802-120408_Instagram

Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little bit more – I’m noticing I’m able to recall words/names easier. But when the brain fog hits – man, it hits.

Vision: The auras have eased.  I just talked about this in the migraine section – go check out that article, it’s about these colors/blur/black spots. Well worth the read.

TMJ:  I’m happy to report that my teeth don’t ache very often anymore. I’ve still been taking naps without my night guard (shame on me, I know) and that is when my jaw is most tense but… well, I figure that’s my fault. It only pops a few times a week now.

Screenshot_20190802-120336_Instagram

Fatigue: This has decreased a bit, it still hits me and when I take naps they can be a few hours long, but I’m not taking them every day. And I’m not falling asleep directly after dinner either –well, mostly. Overall, I’m able to do more, I just have to space things out and be aware that I need rest times in between.

Fibromyalgia:  As I said above, my back is hurting again. And, I still have my calf aching/cramping/burning pain fairly regularly and my feet do these ‘great’ little nerve freaking out sessions.

Weight Loss: Minimal, but I’m determined to focus on this again!

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it. – this reminder is still real guys.

Digestion:   This is still, thankfully, at my normal.

Screenshot_20190802-120351_Instagram

As my notes said, I started taking atovaquile just over a week ago. I haven’t noticed any negative or positive side effects from it yet, so I’m waiting to hear back from my doctor. She has me on it for 30 days, just to see if we can kill off some of these buggers. (no, I’m not very technical, sorry.)

I’m still taking NP Thyroid every morning. As well as LDN every evening. Each week I’m increasing that dosage until I hit 4.5 mg.

Since I can’t remember the last time I updated my full list of supplements/vitamins, I’ll share them with you today:

Andrographis

B2

Bearberry (I’m finishing up the bottle I have and then stopping)

Butterbur

Berberine

Calcium

Chaste Tree/Vitex

Complete Mineral Complex

Feverfew

Fibronol

H2PLX

Horse Chestnut

MG

St. John’s Wort

Turmeric

COQ10

Iberogast

Xiao Chai Hu Tang

Liver

And that’s it folks, if you’ve got any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. I did want to share the post that I wrote about the scintillating scotoma (before I knew what they were called).

Thanks for stopping by SGL today,

Laura

 

Health Update June 2019

28 Jun

When I go to write these health updates, the very first thing I do is pull out my phone and go to my notes. Where I’ve faithfully – or not- kept a log of how I’ve been feeling. Then I’ll email that log to myself and copy and paste it below my Overall Health section… (the wonders of technology that makes that so simple). Well. When I just searched for it, apparently I didn’t put down one day in my log for this month. Not even one day! So, I’m having to rely completely on my memory for this post. Which should be interesting…

fightinglymemigraines

 

Overall Health: I hesitantly say that I’m doing better than I was at last month’s update. Overwhelming fatigue and visual auras still command much of my attention though.

Migraine:  Thankfully, I haven’t had  more than one turn into a nuclear migraine but there have been several that have wanted to. Mostly, the pain level gets to an 8. And hovers. There have been several days that I didn’t need a clonidine until later in the afternoon, and others where I was taking one right after getting up (and all through the day) and yet nothing would touch the pain.

Sleep:  I’m hitting 6 to 7 hours a night, with at least 3 wakings. Majority of them I need the ice pack on the pillow.  But there was about a week where I barely needed the ice pack.

Screenshot_20190627-144236_Instagram

Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little I think.

Vision: The auras just don’t want to go away this month. Most days I have a vague sense that my vision is off somehow and others, I get the more intense colors/blur/black spots. Thankfully so far this month, I haven’t lost sight in my left eye at all.

TMJ:  This is about the same as last month although since I’ve been randomly falling asleep during the day (this means without my night guard), my jaw is tenser and my teeth ache a little more. Other than carrying my night guard around with me, I’m not sure how to help this.

Screenshot_20190627-144226_Instagram

Fatigue: I can’t even tell you how much this has decreased you guys. Partly because it would be hard to describe that change and yet get across how much it is still affecting me -and like I’ve mentioned above, I’m taking almost daily naps. Most of them are right after dinner (picture me dragging myself from table to couch without cleaning up from the meal type of tired).

Fibromyalgia:  Even with cheating last week, this hasn’t been near too terrible. I still have my left side (especially my calf) aching/cramping/burning pain fairly regularly but the intensity has eased.

Weight Loss: Minimal

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it.

Digestion:  We’re staying at my normal! Which, is clearly not what it should be but I’m okay with it for now.

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SO. I’d like to state the reason for my improvements for this month.

We took me off the doxycycline. The day before I went in to my doctor, it hit me that I’d been feeling awful for 6 weeks. And I’d been on the doxy for….6 weeks. My body just couldn’t handle it. You know what else has disappeared? The rash all over my face.

I am still taking the NP Thyroid and believe that it’s helping my fatigue.

It’s been a slow battle coming back from being on that antibiotic and I’m thankful that I’m getting back to how I felt before. Of course, it’s frustrating that I fell that far downhill but I’m glad I tried it because now we know. 

As of the 24th, I started LDN’s (low dose naltrexone)- we’re targeting my migraines with this. I’ve been told that they are tolerated very well. We’ve started me out at 0.5mg and are going to slowly increase the dose til I reach 4.5mg (which is the standard dosage). I had to really force myself to do this – after such a strong reaction to the antibiotics, I really just wanted to curl up and lick my wounds. But I knew that that wasn’t the right decision. I can’t waste any more time that I could potentially be getting well, just to get over fear. Sometimes, that’s the right choice. But this time, I knew I had to push myself and just try it.

Because I can’t even imagine life without migraines. I’ve been having them since I was…18 or 19. To go through a day, two days, a week! without one… Ahhh, what a thought. And if we can get these to go away/ or just minimize them, we believe that some of my other pains will ease as well.

So here’s to being bold and trying new things in the slow journey to health.

~Laura

 

 

Health Update Apr/May 2019

30 May

All I can say is at least I’m getting this up before June starts. My levels, and types, of pain have made getting this post up such a bear. fightinglymemigraines

 

 

Overall Health:  It’s been a roller-coaster ride these past six weeks. That’s really all I can think to say about it. I went from doing pretty well during the days and crashing so-so in the evenings to….rough days and passing out at 8pm because I just can’t stay awake any longer. (only to wake up an hour later and not be able to sleep again til midnight.)

 

Apr 16 started doxycycline                                                                                                              Apr 30- good energy most of the day.  1 mile walk plus housework. Migraine kicked up afternoon,  clonidine calmed.  Started thyroid 9am. Tiny bumps on face in evening, not sure why? 
May 2- decent energy in am,  hit with fatigue around noon.  IV in afternoon.  
May 3- felt pretty well today,  fatigue hit afternoon. Tiny bumps on face again this evening and a tad bit last night. 
May 5- bumps again today, also around collarbone, some itchy. Fatigue early afternoon, napped but then foggy and dehydrated rest of afternoon.  Hungry like crazy in evening,  migraine kicked up a lot.  
Observations: fibropain is less intense.  Migraines are still sharp and increase a lot in evenings.  Clonidine helps,  overall but not always.  Evening hunger is common.  Fatigue is light in am but hits mid afternoon at least.  Needing a nap most days.  Foggy brain after. 
Went off of thyroid on may 11th to see if it was causing the rash on my face. Fatigue hit hard whole of following week, rash still present although not as bad? Fibromyalgia flared the same week.  Started thyroid back up on the 17th.
May 17 – visual  aura and nuclear migraine. 
May 21 Fatigue has eased a little bit since Sunday.  Felt off all day,  fending off another crash this evening

Migraine:  SIGH. The pain has been quite terrible lately, with one full blown visual aura/nuclear migraine this past Friday and three more attempting to blow up.

Sleep:  I’m hitting 6 to 7 hours a night, with at least 2 wakings. Majority of them I need the ice pack on the pillow. Several I’m having night sweats -even with the ice, joy oh joy – and of course, never waken feeling refreshed.

Memory/Brain Fog:  Brain fog has stayed around again. It’s kept my ability to focus on things at a minimum.

 

Vision: I have had four  FIVE visual auras in the past week. That’s about four more than I’ve  been having every few months. I’ve noticed that even in between lately, my eyes aren’t quite right. Looking at black text/white background can be difficult…

TMJ:  I have just realized this has eased. My teeth aren’t hurting as much or often as they used to. It has only popped a few times in the past few weeks. My jaw still regularly hurts but overall, this has definitely improved.

Screenshot_20190529-083154_Instagram

Fatigue: This is still my biggest current struggle. It can go from just marginally dragging to laying me out and making me fall asleep within half an hour. (this makes for interesting planning of errands…)

Fibromyalgia:  In a way this has decreased slightly. But my left side (top of head down to toes) frequently aches. If I stay away from processed sugar, the fibro stays down –remind me of this next time I’m tempted to cheat and have sugar.

Weight Loss: Non-existent.

Mood: This has been a bit topsy-turvy the last little bit but I’m sure it’s because of the levels of pain I’ve been dealing with. And hormones – hormones out of whack are fun. Eesh.

Digestion:  We’re back to my normal! woohoo!

Like I said in my notes above, I went off the Thyroid for several days to see if the mostly invisible rash that has appeared on my face was connected to it. I’m fairly confident now that it’s not, but the rash is still there (at least it is mostly impossible to see!) and I’m not sure why. I’ve also been trying to tell if the doxycycline has helped any of my symptoms, but really, with how I’ve been feeling, it’s so hard to separate the pain, you know? Even doing this update, it’s still all so foggy to be able to tell. I’ve also only been on the doxy for a month and a half, so I doubt that’s long enough to be able to tell anyway.

I will add about the Thyroid though, that I think the fatigue was going down after I first started it – so I’m hoping that will start happening again soon. I mean, I was taking Abby on a mile walk in the mornings, doing some house cleaning and making yummy dinners. Which, for me, is a pretty full/energy burning day. And now I’m barely getting her to the park, doing maybe 20 min of light cleaning and sort of maybe throwing a semblance of dinner together. Augh. I know this journey of healing is an up and down, switchback type of road but I’m ready to be through this particular rough stretch. Especially since I know that the pain in my left side would disappear if I was able to lose some weight.

~Laura

Mar/Apr Health Update

19 Apr

Well, this has been waiting for me to finish it for about a week now. My ability to focus has been really quite terrible lately, you guys. It’s a subtle thing though. Since I’m completely in control of my schedule, I can flit around to different things without realizing just how quickly I move on to something new… But, to move on to more exciting news, I’m doing some better! Read on!

fightinglymemigraines

 

Overall Health:  I would say that while I’ve had some low lows, I’ve done pretty well this past month-odd. Daily, noticeable pain and fatigue but not everyday has been debilitating. I keep seeing more glimpses of ‘me’ in the mirror – you know, when I’m not asleep or laying on an ice pack.

Migraine:  Only one visual aura and nuclear migraine this time around (and that while on vacation of course). I attempted going off clonidine for a few days but that didn’t work as well as I thought it would. I’m still trying to get the edge off the pain.

Sleep:  I’m getting about 8 hours with 2 or 3 wakings in the night. Most nights I am completely exhausted but have to wait til I can get the pain down to a decent level to go to bed. OR I’ve taken such a long nap during the day that I’m just not tired enough at a reasonable hour. Eesh.

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Feeling like half of myself that morning

Memory/Brain Fog:  Brain fog has stayed around, sadly. It’s kept my ability to focus on things at a minimum.

Vision: I only had one visual aura! The beginning of March I did have a strange… quality to my vision at times but that has since gone away.

TMJ:  It pops only occasionally now but still aches so much that my teeth hurt daily. The front of my neck has started hurting again as well. I really need to get in to my bodywork doctor soon.

Fatigue: sadly, this has stayed strong. Naps are pretty frequent, ranging from twenty minutes to three hours. Eesh. Mostly though, if I space my activities out, I do pretty well. I have gotten back on the liver, daily, and it is definitely helping.

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Fibromyalgia:  It’s decreased slightly. My left calf is still tense/self flexing throughout the day and occasional cramping in my feet. Most of the time I can kind of ignore it, although when it settles into my knees like it likes to do, it’s harder to ignore (like right now)

Weight Loss: Oy. I was losing steadily and slowly and now it’s just to the point where I’m hoping I can start working out again so I don’t end up at the weight I was when I first started losing a year ago. Augh. < this is the same as last month! Oy.

Mood: Well, this has evened out again – without the use of Xiao Chai Hu Tang.

Digestion:  Much improved. I’ve even increased the amount of vitamins/supplements I take and my stomach is still doing fine. I’m so relieved.

Since I wrote the above, I’ve been in to see my main doctor. It was a good appointment, and as she’d been studying Lyme again lately, she was excited about what she’d learned. Due to that, she’s had me start doxycycline and I’ve got to get to Costco to get my prescription of  Armor thyroid to start as well. I don’t believe I’ve ever taken an antibiotic before (?) so any advice that you may have, I would love to hear them. At the top of the notes she printed out for me, she wrote “Laura, you are doing great! Things will go perfect.”  Which is more encouraging than the normal version of ‘we can figure this out’ don’t you think?

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a quick selfie while on vacation

*I’ve been on the doxy for a few days, and without knowing if how I’ve been doing is related to that or not… I need to document it. I started it the 15th of april, and took a detox bath that afternoon – and had a terrible reaction to the bath. I was weak and my heart was pounding and as the day continued, my head got worse and the aching increased. And I was SO hungry in the evening. Eesh. The next day I was better but again, crazy hungry in the evening. The morning of the 18th, a terrrible, horrible, no good cramp in my left calf woke me up. I could feel my right calf cramping up as well. It went on forever (I really have no idea in reality…) before it eased.

I plan on looking up the info she was sharing with me and then I’ll pass it along to you!

~Laura

 

 

Health Update Jan/Feb 2019

8 Mar

Well, it’s a little later than I wanted to get it up, but my health update for January and February is finally here.

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Overall Health:  Fatigue and fibromyalgia have been hard this past month odd.  Having motivation to get anything more than the bare minimum done has been hard most weeks.

Jan 22- still bad fatigue but went grocery shopping in am. Brain fog in afternoon/evening. Migraine kicked up in late evening but not severe. Some achy fibropain last night and thru today
Jan 25 – less fatigue the past few days and have been able to take short naps. Migraine kicks up in evening. 
Pre-cycle symptoms: fibro flaring in calves, back pain, weird/bad dream
Jan 30- tired first thing but had decent energy thru out the day. Some minor fibro cramps in calves and hands. Left hip hurting in afternoon and evening. Decent day overall
Jan 31- pretty good today till fatigue hit in afternoon. Nap and clonidine kicked the migraine. Left calf cramping
Feb 2- fatigue and migraine upon getting up. Took 2 clonidine in am and took a 2 hr nap. 
Feb 6 – increased iberogast to 2 drops/day. 
— bad fatigue most of weekend and Monday (11th) and even worse on Tuesday (12th). Severe migraine on Sunday (10th). Wondering if the iberogast is why the fatigue is so bad? Or am I going low on h2plx? 🤯
Feb 13- fatigue wasn’t as bad today. Did minor housework, blogged, read. Only took one nap. A bit of a struggle to keep migraine down all day. Did 1 drop iberogast in am and evening each. Testing to see if it helps. Left hip and calf started hurting in evening
Feb 18- changing times of iberogast seems to be helping fatigue. Even with a busy Friday and Saturday, I was still able to take Abby to the park this morning. Migraine/mood flared afternoon. Calmed by evening. Left calf and Hip hurt in evenings. Took half a melatonin
Feb 19- decent in am, a little more myself. Ran to Costco in am. Hit w/ fatigue after but not awful. Migraine flared to 6/7 in afternoon. Ice and tylenol/Bayer helped. Going to bed with ice pack 💤 left calf tight, migraine in temples
Feb 25- some less fatigue but still strong. Migraine kept down with Tylenol/aspirin. Took one nap. Upset stomach afternoon and then again after dinner. Bloated stomach. Also had the sweats when stomach was worst. Foggy brain. 
Feb 27- pain in eyes, felt like auras were coming. Fatigue. took a nap and woke up exhausted. Migraine off and on all day. Did some housework etc today though so, some improvement. No stomach issues!

Migraine: Frequently, Clonidine (my prescription pain killer) doesn’t work and I take 2 Tylenol/1 Bayer instead and that does the trick. Some days, the migraine refuses to ease but others, it chills out readily. Commonly it’s in my left temple, band around the head or base of skull.

Sleep: Surprisingly, I’ve started getting more like 8 hours of sleep a night. (still with a few wakings each night of course). I’m not taking a nap every day, which, while that’s nice, I think most days I should be and just can’t.

Memory/Brain Fog: brain fog has been a definite struggle still. And of course, some words are still escaping me.

Nutrient IV : so this might be an odd category but I want to keep track of what we do, and how I respond to it. We did a drip bag this time with the full spectrum of B vitamins, A bunch of Vitamin C and whatever else she adds to it =) and a push of glutathione at the end. I’d hoped to notice a huge increase in my energy and decrease in symptoms (like I used to) but I didn’t. I noticed a small change in those things at least.

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Vision: I didn’t have one major visual aura! I have had the feelings of the beginnings of them but have been able to catch them (ice pack, eyes closed in a dark room, protein snack). However, I have had just…aching in my eyes the past few weeks. Dryness as well.

TMJ: I’ve been having more painful popping the last week odd, but before that it was pretty non-existent. My teeth/jaw do hurt every day, pretty badly sometimes.

Fatigue: Once again, this has been such a killer. I have increased my dosage of H2PLX to 3/day and that has already helped. (I just did this a few days ago). While I don’t like the price of H2PLX, the results can’t be denied. I’m trying to get more iron in my diet and contemplating going back on the liver because I’m just so worn out from this. It’s a crushing exhaustion that just wears you down all day.

Fibromyalgia:  Sadly, this hasn’t eased since last month. My left calf is still tense/self flexing throughout the day and my knees/elbows hurt to some degree all day/night. My knees hurt the worst though – some days they get ‘stuck’ and I have to slowly straighten them. Ice is still the current magic treatment.

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Weight Loss: I have gained and lost, gained and lost. It’s not been a priority lately but I’m trying to focus on it again. I’m trying to cut out corn, starch and processed sugar.

Digestion:  Somehow, this has eased to an extent. I still get an upset stomach a few times a week. I still need to talk to my doctor about it (as I ended up having to cancel my last scheduled appointment). I’m wondering if the Resveratrol was one of the main culprits to it freaking out so badly.

Mood: Overall, this has stabilized, and I haven’t even started taking the Xiao Chai Hu Tang. (one of my favorite herb combos you guys, look into it! Check the source though, the levels of arsenic can be high).

I just decided to share with you the vitamins/supplements that I’m currently taking, since I’ve had to really pare down and start over on these.

2 each : Feverfew, Magnesium, St. John’s Wort, Fibronol

1 each: Turmeric, Vitex, Andrographis, Berberine, Butterbur, Bearberry

1 Complete Mineral Complex only 3/week

3 H2PLX/day

2 drops/day Iberogast

I am wanting to start next, B2 and Calcium (and so many more after those). I also need to work on increasing the Iberogast.

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~This has been a hard month, to be completely honest. I feel like I’ve hit a valley and pitched a tent there. With my brain fog, I can’t write. With my knee pain I can’t be up and around as much as I want/need to. With the fatigue, I’m so drained that just getting food and taking care of Abby is all I can do most days.  I am trying to focus on the positives – one of those being that the fatigue has eased slightly the past few days – and look ahead to better days.

~Laura

In case you missed it, I wrote about a time recently that I took Excedrin. I used to take it regularly for my migraines (about 10 years ago now) but no longer! It’s just…. well, go check out the post. I also have a series on Encouragement for Living with Chronic Pain. 

That time I took Excedrin

27 Feb

 

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Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

I sit here with tremors running through me. My feet are freezing, but I’m burning up. A migraine is trying to come back and my stomachs roiling, causing nausea. I just want to sleep but there’s no way to relax enough when my body’s freaking out like this.

the cause?

I ran out of prescription pain pills and had to take excedrin tension headache. Caffeine is not my friend. In this moment, I’m not really sure if the pain relief was worth it.

This is my life – deciding which pain I’d rather deal with.

And let me tell you, I hate that fact.

~~~I wrote this a year ago, and never came back to finish it. Perhaps I just needed to get these words out. But I decided to share them with you today in part to remind myself to never ever take Excedrin again.

And to say that if you ever find yourself up in the middle of the night with pain keeping you awake, I know what you’re going through. And if you want to chat about it, or books, or food, or anything, drop me a line. I’d love to talk with you!

Health Update Dec 2018/Jan 2019

23 Jan

I don’t like writing these sometimes – although living the pain is obviously worse. Heh. Over the weeks I’d really slipped into ‘pure survival’ mode. Which for me, means I wasn’t doing any detoxing or anything to help diminish the pain except for my vitamins and clonidine. So, beginning of the new year, I have made it a point to do the extra detoxes and other things to try and get me out of this funk.

 

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Overall Health: I’ve taken some steps backward this past month and that is incredibly frustrating. Stomach issues and debilitating migraines and fibro flaring again.

Dec 20- drove to bend. Very tired after but did pretty well all day
Dec 21- fatigue and some fibro. Short nap in afternoon, fuzzy brain after
Dec 22- decent fatigue, but went shopping. 2 hr nap in afternoon, helped. Some fibro cramps in feet/ constant left calf cramping. Took 1/2 melatonin at night
Dec 24- didn’t sleep well last night. Achy all over – teeth, joints etc. So tired. Some migraine
Dec 27- drive home from bend. Didn’t crash much at all in evening
-Have been having painful twitches for a few weeks. Right eyelid twitching off and on. Fatigue strong but mostly not overwhelming.  
Dec  29- fatigue and some fibropain. Bad foot cramp last evening that took a while to wear off. 
Iron breath has returned, even though stomach feels fine. Didn’t take any pills/drops on Jan 1 to see if that helps like it did last time. 
Jan 2nd – vision loss and nuclear migraine in evening after feeling well all day. Day 25. 
Jan 3- recovery from last night. Fatigue and sore. 
Jan 7 – bad fatigue all day with minimal ability to focus. Migraine and fibropain kicked up bad in evening. BAD. E of C?
Jan 8 –  tired and achy but better so far. Went grocery shopping in am
Jan 17- IV day. Fatigue
Jan 18. – strong fatigue (probably from yesterday) started feeling strange in afternoon, kinda shaky and like I’d had caffeine or sugar. Stomach worse the later it got
Jan 19- stomach still upset. Not hungry in am

Migraine: Two nuclear migraines in the space of a week along with a few almost- nuclear ones. The daily ones have been responding to a combo of tylenol and aspirin better than clonidine lately (so strange).

Sleep:  I’m still getting about 7 hours with 2 or 3 wakings in the night. Most nights I am completely exhausted but have to wait til I can get the pain down to a decent level to go to bed.

Memory/Brain Fog: I’ve been struggling with words a lot lately. Brain fog has been a pretty frequent thing as well.

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Vision: I had two visual auras in the space of one week. Sigh.

TMJ:  It pops painfully frequently and aches so that my teeth hurt daily. The front of my neck has started hurting again as well. I really need to get in to my bodywork doctor soon.

Fatigue: sadly, this has increased once again and stayed strong. I have been resistant to naps lately, just having gotten so very tired of sleeping so long during the day. I’m sure this isn’t a good way to handle fatigue… It’s just been weighing me down every single day.

Fibromyalgia:  It’s increased a bit since last month. My left calf is still tense/self flexing throughout the day and cramping in my feet/calves. I’m glad that they haven’t started again in my hands/elbows though. Ice is still the current magic treatment – be it on my calves or neck. If I’m resting, I’ve got one on me.

Weight Loss: Oy. I was losing steadily and slowly and now it’s just to the point where I’m hoping I can start working out again so i don’t end up at the weight I was when I first started losing a year ago. Augh.

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Mood: I’m sad to report that this has been touch-and-go the last while. I’ve run out of Xiao Chai Hu Tang and haven’t replaced it. (the price is what’s stopping me but I’m going to have to break down and do it soon.)

Digestion: Not good. I have been struggling with iron breath and sometimes an upset stomach again. Cutting back the amount of pills I take has helped but it hasn’t taken care of the problem. I’m really not sure what’s going on – if it’s something I’m eating or what. But I go in to see my Dr. in a few weeks to talk about it.

~Laura

If you want to check out a post about pain keeping you up at night, The Dark before the Dawn is the one for you. Or check out Chronic Illness Silence to read about feeling like I often have a gag in my mouth about my health. This title says it all – Unexpected Side Effects of Chronic Pain.

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