Tag Archives: chronic pain

The Dark before the Dawn

13 Apr

I’m sitting up at 1:30 am exhausted, knees bouncing and eyes blurry. I’m exhausted. Yet unable to sleep because of the nerve pain throughout my body. This is a relatively new symptom and I’m sick of it already. It seems to be present when my migraine is minimal/absent. And while I am so very thankful that the migraines seemed to have eased slightly, I’m not too crazy about what’s replacing them. Do I want the migraine back to what it was before? no. no thank you and good night. But, that’s not really a choice I get to make anyway. So. Here I sit, the house silent and dark but for the diffuser I set to going and the one light on behind me.

darkbeforethedawn41217

I’ve been thinking about pain a lot lately. It is, after all, my one constant companion  – aside from Abby who wants to follow my every movement – so these are some of my thoughts:

Pain is isolating, my friends. No matter how hard I try to not let it – it does. It pulls you from the world that’s spinning and moving and progressing and puts you in a sort of vortex. Where time speeds up and then seems to stop. Where one breath is agony yet days disappear in a haze.

Pain is deceptive. It doesn’t have to show itself on people’s faces or in their limbs to be felt – to be excruciating. I look as healthy as the next person but ask me to walk up a flight of stairs, carry something heavy or just walk around for several hours and …. well, it’s not gonna happen easily.

Pain is….hidden. The constant refrain of ‘i don’t feel well’ , ‘I have a migraine’ , ‘i’m exhausted’ , gets wearying after a while. So. You stop saying it. But then you find that you’re covering how you really feel. And ignoring new – and painful – symptoms. And then one day your doctor mentions that you seem to be doing better and you have to stop a moment and admit the truth – you’re hiding it. From your doctor. The very last person you should be hiding it from.

Pain messes with your brain. Do you really have a new symptom or are you just tired? Is the difficulty in typing stem from the fact that  you impaled your thumb or that some of your brain-to-fingers skills are dulling? Are your eyes blurry because you’re tired or something more malicious? What about these aches/nerves on fire – are you on the road to more neurological problems or is it just some herxing going on?

~Seriously, you can’t decide what’s legitimate or not. ~

 

~glorious day, I just realized I’m no longer having to bounce my legs to ease the pain. I think I’m gonna go crawl back in bed under my electric throw (the only thing that truly eases these) and see if I can sleep. To be continued….~

I’m actually going to end this here. It’s been a few days since I wrote the above and I just want to add that one day, however far or near, this pain will end. jer3017

~Laura

Health Update – March 2017

29 Mar

 

What a month! Spring is starting to show up here and we are so very ready for it. I’m dreaming of a small container garden and getting the landlord here to spruce up this yard of ours (he’s also a landscaper.) This time last year I had roses on my bush, it’s definitely a delayed spring!

Well, on to the topic of fighting this Lyme disease.

fightinglymemigraines

Migraine app notes – I’ve had 7 attacks, lasting in average of 72 hours. So, while they’ve absolutely been lasting longer, I’ve had 6 attack-free days. Which I believe is a record! I’ve been getting an average of 7 hrs of sleep each night – this doesn’t typically account for the getting up a few times and tossing and turning. I’ve taken 38 Clonidine. They happen 80% of the time between 12pm and 12am (ha! so helpful,that). Average level is 7.9. Top three auras/prodrome are fatigue/achiness, headache and weakness. Top three triggers are neck pain, interrupted sleep and lack of sleep. Top three symptoms are jaw pain, neck pain and throbbing pain. Frequent start positions are the same as usual, temples, eyes, jaw and base of neck.

( Comparing to last month, I added one attack-free day and the pain increased slightly while the duration rocketed up.)

Overall Health/ Treatment: Some days I feel like I’m starting to do better – and then the little evil bugs laugh and do a stealth attack. I’ve had a few symptoms ease/disappear which is wonderful. I’m going to keep my notes from this month instead of re-typing them. =)

3/18 note  – started taking iron again today – at 5 ml 2x a day to get used to it. am continuing taking antibiotic (doxycycline) for another 2-4 weeks to see if it helps or not. started a probiotic ( sacro-b) what with taking the antibiotic longer.  went off of: garlic, ehb, epo. Finishing my bottle of Silver, then going off it too. dr suggested i start having bone broth. she also wants me to do a metal toxicity test, i’ll do it after i get back from bend next week. since we aren’t making any headway with what we’ve been trying, she wants to go a different track. Dr also wants me to start taking butterbur. need to start taking the xiao chai hu tang again.  –pain has been awful these past two weeks, plus i got sick and then started my cycle a few days after getting over the cold. migraines hit hard in evening and sometimes i wake up with them in am. have lost 1.6 lbs last two weeks.

3-24 – started back up on doxycycline on the 20th. As well as the sacro-b. Upped my iron to 15ml a day on the 22nd. Taking phosphorus 1-2x a day. Needing melatonin to sleep still. Pain is definitely worse in evenings. Still daily migraines, tmj and calf/feet tenseness and a bit of cramping. Migraine seems to ease a bit more quickly the past few days. Skin is clearing up again, hopeful it’s the antibiotics and it’ll stay clear. Able to focus again, have even been writing.

3-29- ceanothus – trying 3 drops am, 2 drops aft, 1 drop  eve to see if it helps with the evening migraine and fatigue. have gained back the weight I’d lost.

Migraines: They have increased in intensity without hitting 10 at all, I don’t think! that’s cause for celebration, folks. This past week-ish they seem to respond to treatments a bit better. The rest of the month, they were resistant to everything.

Digestion/TMJ: Once again, my digestion is off. Looking forward to stocking the house with healthy options and see if I can get it to calm down again. TMJ… I’ve been clenching/grinding so much lately that my teeth hurt most of the time. The jaw pain is normal now. Finally rescheduled my appointment with the ‘jaw doctor’ as I’ve labeled her, since I had to cancel my last  appt when I was sick. (anyone else find that statement ironic, ‘when I was sick’?)

Sleep: I’ve been needing Theanine or Melatonin to get to – and stay – asleep. It’s frustrating since I was able to get off of it for a while. BUT! The night sweats have gone away.

Memory/Brain Fog: Brain fuzziness (a step down from fog??) reappeared while I was in Bend. Over-stimulation perhaps? It was strongest on my birthday, sadly. Gives one the sense of not being present. I’m hoping this eases soon.

Vision: My eyes still frequently get blurry, or just take a bit longer to focus than they should. It hasn’t progressed though.

Feet/Leg cramps: The cramps are random and maybe once a week now. Typically it’s just tenseness – which can be distracting and painful on their own. Sometimes soaking them in epsom salt helps.

Dizziness: This got worse recently, but I haven’t been watching my salt intake.

Joint Pain: This has mostly shifted to my knees/ankles. I’m so thankful that it has left my fingers – that was the worst for me.

Fatigue: This is still a struggle. Like I said above, I’m gonna try taking 1 drop of Ceanothus  to see if it helps.

~I have started following some fellow lyme disease sufferers/warriors on Instagram and in talking with one of them the other day, I learned that ‘they’ have recently learned that you can get Lyme, not just from ticks, but from other nasties like mosquitos, fleas and spiders. SPIDERS, people. I’ve been thinking back on my symptoms lately and kept getting stuck on the timeline of when I was in Culinary school and got a rather awful spider bite on my cheekbone. It swelled up so bad that it impaired my vision. Now, I grew up in an older house and got bit all the time so I didn’t think anything of it. But now…. It doesn’t really help much, other than to mentally be able to put more of a year on it. By then, I’d had migraines for a few years but after that… everything started to crash. Literally.

That’s all for today folks, I’m gonna rest and then – hopefully – get out to go grocery shopping!

Happy Wednesday,

Laura

 

Health update – January 2017

31 Jan

 

Well, folks, as I’m writing this I’m fighting nausea like nobody’s business – along with a migraine, so forgive me if it doesn’t all make sense.

fightinglymemigraines

Here’s the update from my migraine app from this past month : I have had 1 attack-free day. They average at 34 1/2 hrs. I’m (supposedly) getting 8 hrs of sleep a night. 76% of them occur on a weekday. The pain average is 8, minimum a 7, maximum a 10. Fatigue/achiness, muscle stiffness and headache are the top 3 auras. Neck pain, interrupted sleep and lack of sleep are the top 3 triggers. Likely triggers are interrupted sleep, pre-cycle and neck pain. Symptoms are neck pain, jaw pain and fatigue. Frequent start positions are temples, eyes, jaw, neck and base of skull. Relief methods that seem to work are clonidine, pulsatilla, oils and food/water.

~While I love having this app, it isn’t as accurate as I’d really like. part of that problem is that one must pay close attention and then input said attention into the app. So. perhaps it’s not fully the app’s fault. (coughcough)   To compare with last month’s though, the average time has gone down, while my nightly sleep has gone up! Most are now occurring on weekdays, and average pain has gone down one level. Fatigue is still a major issue; neck pain is a consistent trigger and symptoms have stayed the same.

What’s interesting about this ‘synopsis’ is that I would have said the pain had gone up this month…. but! I will trust what I put in the app and roll with it.

Overall Health: Honestly, I’ve felt so rotten this month that it’s really started to affect my moods and productivity. The chronic pains that have flared up again are so bad that I just don’t want to move majority of the time. Heaven save me from living on the couch.

Treatment: I made the mistake of running out of several vitamins/supplements at the same time and have been paying for it….dearly. I’ve added almost all of them back in, as well as iron and feverfew. My Dr. says she has rarely seen someone as low in iron as I am. I’m also super high in fibrinogen, a protein that is essential for blood clot formation. I’ve been needing to take 3-4 clonidine a day for the migraines.

Migraines: They seem to have gotten more intense as the month has progressed. Only one hit a ’10’ though. something to be grateful for. The clonidine and natural pain killers I use haven’t been very effective. At all. Nothing has been touching these things = super fun, that.

Digestion and TMJ : Digestion has been some better. Jaw pain is about the same.

Sleep:  Aside from taking Theanine a few nights last week, I haven’t been taking anything to help me sleep. It’s so nice. I am waking up once or twice a night and am sometimes still able to get back to sleep when I wake early in the am. This is not to say that I’m waking up rested and refreshed (I was probably a pre-teen the last time that happened). I’m fighting exhaustion , and taking naps all the time.

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Memory/Brain fog:  This has been a continued struggle. I am praying that the iron i’m taking helps with blood flow and gets more oxygen to my brain, thus improving this. Fog hasn’t been too awful, but gets worse when i’m in a crowded room.

I get to add another few items to this months list:

Vision– my eyes are having a hard time focusing, even with my glasses on. it’s of course worse when I’m tired or the migraine is worse but it’s a pretty constant thing these days.

Feet/leg cramps –  these are back like crazy. i’m thankful that most of the time it’s just a matter of tenseness rather than straight up cramps but it’s still painful.

Dizziness- i’m having to remember to stand up slowly. no sudden movements.

Joint pain – like none other, people.

Nausea – Out of everything I’m adding here, this is the one that I’d ask to go away first. it’s what’s keeping me down today, when the migraine isn’t bad.

Moodiness – yes, it’s bad enough that it gets its own category. I was so glad when my moods evened out months ago that it’s frustrating this problem has resurfaced.

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I have also lost almost 5 lbs – and then promptly regained it.

Well, there it is – January’s health update! I’m not off to a very good start this year but my doctor is such an encourager, that I’m clinging to her optimism. I’ve also been going to a chiropractor for my back/hip pain and am summoning up the courage to call the dentist and make a TMJ appointment. So perhaps February will see a change.

Check out my Chronic Pain page to see all my health updates and health advice!

~Laura

 

 

 

Health Update – Dec 2016

3 Jan

Hello again lovely readers! I really need to start keeping better notes on how I’ve been. A full month in between is hard to keep track of. Because, right now, I’m liable to say ‘I’ve felt awful this month’. But the truth is probably a little more of ‘ I took some steps backward in health but I had some really good days and have gotten better in this or that area.’ But, without really good notes, I just don’t remember. So. Goal for this coming month is to sit and write a bi-weekly account of how I’m doing.

For a quick report from my migraine app – Migraine Buddy –   Average duration was 43 hrs. Average sleep a night was 7 hrs. 57% happened on weekdays, 43% weekends. Average pain level was 8 , high was 9 and low 6. My top Auras were fatigue/achiness, tingling near eye(s) and weakness. My top 3 triggers were neck pain, too much activity and pre cycle. Top 3 symptoms were neck pain, fatigue and jaw pain. Frequent start positions were temples, eyes and neck. Reliefs that seem to work consistently are : clonidine, oils, belladonna/pulsatilla and heat pad.

So, things have changed a little – duration has gone down a little, they are more evenly spaced during the week/weekends, average pain has gone up, and the auras/triggers/symptoms changed one item.

 

fightinglymemigraines

Overall Health: Better than November – sort of.  As of the last few days I’ve been feeling more like myself than I have all month.

Treatment: I’m still taking two Xiao Chai Hu Tang a day. I have added in one Ashwagandha a day. I started – and had to stop- taking Banderol as the the side effects (major fatigue) were just too bad. The Chaste Tree Berry daily seems to be helping my calf cramps. As I run out of vitamins/supplements, I am going to see if I notice not being on them. Excepting EHB, Ashwandha and a few others. I need to add in iron and butterbur to my regime.

Migraines:  These things have been brutal this month. BRUTAL. I’m pretty sure I told my mom I was dying last monday. That was a migraine like I haven’t had in a long while. Severe to the maximum. I don’t think they’ve gotten better since last month. they might really have taken a turn for the worse. But, the activity that naturally follows the holidays might have something to do with that.

Digestion and TMJ : While my digestion has been better than it was last month, it is still rather…touchy. I’m starting to juice again regularly – I’m going to mix it up and incorporate veggies that are high in iron ( spinach, beet, beet greens, etc) , otherwise the juice is kale, cucumber, celery, carrots, lemon, ginger and apple. Jaw pain goes away faster but is popping like nobody’s business whenever it wants to

Sleep:  The biggest change this past month is probably that I quit taking melatonin every night. I noticed I was sleeping the same length – and waking up the same amount of times –  without it. I’m glad to have one less pill every day. My app says I’m getting about 7 hrs of sleep, and I kid you not, I can predict within a half hour of when I’ll wake up in the morning from when I go to bed. Apparently my internal wake-clock works really well.

My app says I’ve been getting about 7 hours a night but I certainly don’t feel like it! I am still waking up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom, and sometimes can’t go back to sleep the last time. I’ve been taking a lot of long naps lately – but still am exhausted by late evening.

Memory/Brain fog:  I feel like my memory has been slipping again. Joy oh joy. I’ve added brain fog into this category because I feel like it’s something that I forget to mention – having had it so long it’s just a part of life now. The fog was heavy most days of Dec, it would lift for part of the day but it doesn’t ever lift completely- especially in a group of people, it kind of covers me like a cloak when there’s a lot of noises buzzing around me.

I did get in to my dr. for a quick acupuncture last week. I found out my results for my nutrient test that I took before Christmas. I’m low in iron, Vitamin A and Vitamin D3  (which reminds me I’m supposed to up the dosage I’ve been taking). It seems like my body is sensitive to almost everything I take to get kill the infections. Sigh. There is always going to be some herxing   but when it’s severe – it’s not fun to have to keep trying new treatments only to have to go off because of what they do to you. But, we keep on keeping on. My dream is to be as healthy as possible (for me) by the end of the year. Which also means, losing some weight. So, I’m going to start working out (in my living room) tomorrow morning. Hopefully three times a week. Combine that with eating healthy and juicing lots, I am hoping to see improvements in my joint pain/cramps, digestion and some weight loss! Here’s to renewed motivation despite chronic pain and fatigue. Lyme disease, I will kick your butt.

~Laura

p.s. that link about herxing is on a site that has a LOT of great articles about Lyme.

p.p.s. this is a great article about Inflammation and Lyme Disease 

 

 

Health Update – 12-2-16

2 Dec

Happy December friends! Thanks for stopping by SGL today, I’m so glad you’re here! Once a month, I review how I’ve been feeling – how the treatment for my Lyme Disease is going, and all the other fun things I’ve got going on.

fightinglymemigraines

November was a month of contradictions. For the majority of it, I felt really beyond awful. But when I felt good – I felt really good! There wasn’t much in between for me. I had some ‘fun’ new symptoms start/kick it up a notch and my migraines tended to last an average of 55 hours. Yep. 55 HOURS. If that’s not fun, I don’t know what fun is. Stores are still places of pure torture wrapped in spikes and crocodiles.

For a quick report from my migraine app – Migraine Buddy –  88% happened on weekdays, 12% weekends. Average pain level was 7.6 , high was 9 and low 6. My top Auras were fatigue/achiness and muscle stiffness. My top 3 triggers were neck pain, interrupted sleep, pre cycle. Top 3 symptoms were neck pain, fatigue and throbbing pain. Frequent start positions were temples, eyes, jaw and neck. Reliefs that seem to work consistently are : clonidine, oils, belladonna/pulsatilla and heat pad.

Overall Health: Much the same as October, ROUGH. Like I said, fun fun symptoms to keep me guessing. Lights and sounds started hurting bad again. Constant calf cramping (literally 24/7) along with severe random cramps no matter what I am doing. A harsh cough a few times a week (you know that deep, painful cough you get when you’re sick? yeah. that.) Daily fatigue/achiness.  Ringing in ears off and on.  Some nausea when I move. I lost a few pounds, only to promptly gain them back.

Due to the calf cramps, sleeping has been difficult. For a few weeks, I wrapped up in my cozy electric blanket most every night – it was the only way to ease the pain so I could sleep. I’ve started soaking my feet more often, hoping the epsom salts helps.

Treatment: I have backed off the garlic pills, to just one a day and have added back in the Xiao Chai Hu Tang. I started with one pill a day and have gone up to 2 a day this week to see how I do. Otherwise, I am on everything my doctor put me on last time I was there.

Migraines:  So, on one hand I feel they are getting better. On the other – 55 hours. I’ll take what I can get but aren’t they supposed to get shorter too????

Digestion and TMJ :  digestion has been touch and go – what with feeling so poorly it was hard to cook (read: pasta and french fries) and juicing pretty consistently…. I definitely digest better when I stay away from breads/pastas/etc, and drink at least 3 glasses of juice a day. (juice being kale, cucumber, celery, carrots, lemon, ginger and apple). My jaw hasn’t been good. often it’s been an indicator that pain/migraine was on its way.

Sleep: My app says I’ve been getting about 7 hours a night but I certainly don’t feel like it! I am still waking up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom, and sometimes can’t go back to sleep the last time. I’ve been taking a lot of long naps lately – but still am exhausted by late evening.

Memory: this might actually be improving – or at least it stopped its downward spiral. Being in Bend for a week with family and friends, I noticed I wasn’t saying ‘um’ as much, or searching for the correct word. Granted, I still did it but I was able to carry on a coherent conversation and that wasn’t the case a few months ago.

Daily Vitamins/Supplements:

Clonidine – averaging 2 a day (although many, many days these past few weeks I’ve needed 3, and sometimes 4 to get through them. ugh)

Pulsatilla and Belladonna – I’d run out of one in time to replace it before I went on vacation and then promptly ran out of the other. oy.

1 each of B complex, B2, Calcium, D3, Fish oil, Copper, Garlic (trying 2 every other day of garlic)

2 each of Magnesium, Olive Leaf Extract, Vitamin E

3 Evening Primrose Oil

6 EHB

on Days 15-28, 1 each of Horse Chestnut Extract and Chaste Tree Berry

1/2 tsp Silver nano ( 2x a day)

1 TB Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water in the mornings

 

That’s all I can think of. I am feeling like this Lyme Disease is kicking my butt right now, so it’s probably good timing that I’m going in to my dr. tomorrow morning to get some motivation and encouragement (yep, she’s that awesome) along with some acupuncture. I don’t know if some of this is herxing or what, but I’m done.

*on a purely fun side note, I won nanowrimo!!! i’ll tell you more what that means next week! *

~Laura

Feel free to check out my other health updates here on my Chronic Pain page!

Health Update – 10-31-2016

31 Oct

Note to self: Don’t ever run out of EHB. you’ll regret it.  also, take gelsimium frequently, that stuff is miraculous.

fightinglymemigraines

 

Overall Health:  This month was rough. The pain levels were either at a 7/above or were nonexistent. My new migraine tracking app, Migraine Buddy, says my migraines last an average of 20 hrs; pain starts mainly in temples and back of neck; triggers are too much activity, interrupted sleep and neck pain; main symptoms are fatigue, neck pain and throbbing pain and that the combo of clonidine, heat pad and sleep always help ease the pain. In other words, I’m enjoying the new app but it isn’t completely accurate on a few things. I have pushed myself and gotten out with the dogs more this month. I was also able to survive almost all of the celebrations of the High Holy Days this month without collapsing or leaving service early like I did/had to last year.

 

Treatment:  I have been on all the added supplements/vitamins for 3 weeks now. Aside from starting to smell like GARLIC all the time, there haven’t been any adverse reactions. I  did end up buying Garlitrin from Integrative Therapeutics, here’s a part of their description , ” Enteric-coated tablets reach the small intestine, so you get garlic where you need it, and avoid garlic breath.”. So far, my OH hasn’t said anything about how I smell like garlic, so I’m really hoping these do the trick, because I am supposed to be taking 4 of them a day!

 

Migraines: Severe. Like my app said, 20 hrs is the average. The most ‘exciting’ was the one that lasted 5 days. oh yeah. that’s how I like to spend my days. mmhmm. (NOT)

Digestion and TMJ:  Digestion has improved marginally. Jaw was doing better before this past week.

Sleep:  It’s improved since last month.  I still don’t feel like I’m sleeping well but I seem to be averaging 7/8 hrs a night – with waking up 2 or 3 times. Now if I could only be sleeping deeply enough to wake refreshed…naps aren’t daily but still frequent

Memory:  I haven’t noticed it worsening, honestly I tend to forget (haha) that it’s as bad as it is until I’m in conversation with someone and then it hits me.

Daily Vitamins:

Clonidine – probably averaging 2 a day

Pulsatilla and Belladonna – the more often I remember to take them, the better they work, shocking, I know

1 each of B complex, B2, Calcium, D3, Fish oil, Copper, Garlic (trying to up to 2 a day of garlic)

2 each of Magnesium, Olive Leaf Extract, Vitamin E

3 Evening Primrose Oil

6 EHB

on Days 15-28, 1 each of Horse Chestnut Extract and Chaste Tree Berry

1/2 tsp Silver nano ( 2x a day)

All that adds up to one very full weekly pill box, let me tell you! I recently found a website where I can buy what I need – and they don’t charge shipping! I’ve only ordered EHB and the Garlic from there but they seem to be legit and are very prompt in filling their orders!

Stick around and check out my other health updates!

9/23/16

8/23/16

Symptoms of my Lyme

7/27/16

Fighting Lyme and Migraines

The Big Health Update

 

Come back Friday to hear how my first week of Nanowrimo went!

~Laura

 

Health Update – 9/23/2016

23 Sep

How in the world can September already be almost over?! Although, the coming of all things pumpkin and fall does help ease the shock of it 😉

 

fghtnglyme92316

Overall Health: since getting back on the majority of my vitamins/supplements I’ve been better – comparably. For about a week I was stuck on the couch due to unbelievable weakness and exhaustion. I haven’t been quite so negative. I haven’t had to nap so often lately, but sleeping at night has been really rough. I’ve been able to walk the dogs a few times a week, which benefits all 3 of us.

Treatment: I went in to my doctor the beginning of this week and we changed up what I’ve been taking, and she sent me home with several new things to start! I am currently off the Xiao Chai Hu Tang (possibly the cause of my extreme exhaustion last week) and have started taking Silver. (yes, silver! apparently while it’s very gentle on you, it kills things, who knew?) Tomorrow I start taking EHB, then if I don’t react negatively to that, 3 days later I start Garlic pills (oh joy). 3 days later, Vitamin E and then, you guessed it, 3 days after that, Copper pills. She’s also told me to start drinking 1 TB Apple Cider Vinegar in the mornings.

Migraines: Killer. They have been going from a 5 to an 8 (or higher) in the blink of an eye, making thinking (and anything else really) incredibly difficult.

Digestion and TMJ: Neither have changed here-which means they aren’t that good… but while my jaw has been hurting a lot, it doesn’t pop as much as it used to! Silver lining right there!

Mood: It’s been better overall this past month, thank goodness. I feel like I mostly am back to myself although I do still feel a tad anti-social

Sleep: Except for the past few nights, it’s been atrocious. Of course, the nights I do sleep better I have nightmares..sigh.

Memory: Once again, it hasn’t improved but aside from freaking out late one night because I couldn’t remember words to songs that I’ve known for ages, I haven’t noticed any worsening.

Daily Vitamins:

Clonidine – for most of this month I was taking 3 a day but since Sunday it’s backed off to 1 or 2 !!!!!

off the Xiao Chai Hu Tang

Pulsatilla and Belladonna – finally got some more of these amazing tinctures!!!

Here’s a full list  – although I will have to update this next month!

Stick around and check out my other health updates!

8/23/16

Symptoms of my Lyme

7/27/16

Fighting Lyme and Migraines

The Big Health Update

 

Next week is the monthly Book Review, come back and check it out!

Have a fabulous Fall weekend,

Laura

 

 

 

The Tears of My Heart

16 Sep

I fond this in my drafts folder earlier this week and decided that it is ready to be shared. While I now have a diagnosis and somewhat-of-a-plan for a cure, these feelings do so frequently overwhelm me and I once again, have to remind myself of the unfailing love of my Saviour.

tearsofmyheart

I feel the tears fill my eyes. One by one they drop to my cheek, and follow the curve down to my chin. Drip. Drip. Drip. I reach up to wipe them away, but what’s this? My cheek is dry, as are my eyes. As I rub my fingers together I realize the tears are not outside, but in. It is inside that is aching. Longing. Crying. But these tears cannot be wiped away so easily with a delicate handkerchief or manicured nails. These require connection, vulnerability and love. Confession of the heart is of the utmost importance if one wants to heal it. But what do I have to confess?

Anger. Frustration. Hurt. All over seemingly-unanswered prayer. Anger that this pain has inhibited 10 years of my life. Frustration that a cure remains beyond my grasp. Hurt that I cannot go on as those around me – event after event.

But this type of contemplation only brings tears that fall onto my cheek. Tears that will need to be wiped away before they fall from my trembling chin. It would be better, rather, to focus on getting through the pain. Accepting my limitations and counting the many blessings I am surrounded with.  So, while the aching inside me continues, I will work to let Him heal it. For I, on my own, cannot heal such a hurt. Even while the tears threaten to overflow my eyes, I will lift my face to the sun and praise Him who has made me and sustained me and blessed me beyond measure.

“Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me. 

Bless His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,

who forgives your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good,

so that your youth is renewed like the eagles wings.”

Psalm 103:1-5

*If you have or are struggling with unanswered prayer I encourage you to keep faith! Continue asking and seeking the Lord. His answer might not be the one you (or I) want but His plan far surpasses any plan we can invent. He is the author of everything, give your pain and struggles to Him daily. He can handle them.

~Laura

Unexpected Side Effects of Chronic Pain

13 Sep

So guys, I’ve been thinking about doing this post for ages, I just wish I’d written down all the little things when I thought of them… because trust me, there’s a lot more than this.

unexpectedsideeffects

-you get used to people checking up on you ‘are you okay?’ ‘do you need anything?’

– stairs are not.nice.ever. = you get passed by 60 year olds…

– you decide you’d rather have weight loss than weight gain, and then realize how terrible of a person that probably makes you

-traveling loses quite a bit of its appeal when you realize it takes at least a day to recuperate, you won’t be able to keep up with whoever you’re visiting, if the PAIN hits you’re in a new environment/probably won’t be able to deal with it like you need to, faking feeling better than you do is something that just happens, etc.

– you become the person that carries around a mini pharmacy in their purse (and people still wonder why you carry such a large one)

-standing in lines makes you cranky, achy and wonder why you ever leave your house

-Light PHYSICALLY hurts. no joke.

– Sound does too

-you have a pill box for all your daily pills

-the things your brain chooses to remember is baffling

-going to two or three stores in one trip is EXCITING (yes, the realization of how pathetic this is does dawn on you every time)

-you’ve rarely answered a ‘how are you’ question with ‘i’m great!’

-learning to balance productivity with what your body says is….interesting

 

Basically, pain takes away your independence. But still we fight, day by day to pretend we still have that independence and inexhaustible energy that someone our age is supposed to have.

I just had this verse pop into my head

“They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:8

~Laura

what would you add to this list?!

 

Short Story Sharing – My story

6 Sep

This is sort of a short story sharing/chronic pain post.

I just found this on my laptop – I vaguely recall starting to write my pain-journey down soon after I married OH… and here it is! This is just a snippet of it =)

I have recently read these termed as invisible illness.  Something that you live with daily but the average person can’t see or tell that they are there.  Living with them has made me more compassionate toward others. They have taught me to be able to look past the obvious and search for the meaning behind their negative words, hurtful actions and painful silence.  They have taken my dreams and then taught me to learn to dream again. I have grown stronger in my sense of who I am through these years. I have learned to speak up, to share my opinion and to believe that I have a right to be heard.

I am more than my health issues.

Now before you start worrying that this is a story of a rise to egotism, let me reassure you that I am still the girl next door –happiest-in-the-country-than-the-city that I always have been. This is a story of faith, family and overcoming obstacles I never dreamed of as a young girl in pigtails and overalls.

When I was young, we lived on acreage that my parents owned, passed down from my grandparents. All five of us kids grew up climbing the trees, playing hide and seek and running between houses to see our extended relatives on this land. I have always loved that fact. I can remember staying the night at my grandparents’ house that they built themselves; and a skip away my great aunt would teach me crotchet and embroidery in a house they also built.  My great grandma also lived in that house for a time.

I would daydream about who I would become – teacher? Stay-at-home mom?  Business exec? Jumping horses in the Olympics?  My dreams were all over the board. It changed from year to year, but always I knew that I would be successful and able to take on any challenge thrown my way. By the time I reached high school, my dreams had shrunk a little, the way that everyone’s do I imagine. I was lucky to have a group of friends to help me transition to the world of hard teachers, overblown emotions and bad cafeteria food.  In that time, one of my ‘invisible diseases’ slowly started.  I, completely unaware what it would come to mean in a few years’ time, shrugged it off and continued ahead in my life.

 

Graduation came and I was relieved at finally getting to move ahead with my future. I had, by this time, no idea what I truly wanted to do and held a great deal of fear inside at failing.  I hid it well and congratulated my friends as they each in their turn headed out of town or state to attend one college or another. I decided to take a year off of school until I had a clearer idea of what I wanted to dedicate my life to and ended up working low-level jobs that barely offer enough money to spend and save.

By the end of that year, I was no closer to a plan than I had been in the beginning but I signed up for classes at our local community college. I remember being so scared of doing this on my own that I cried as I drove there that first morning. I took the required prerequisite classes, really only enjoying  that moment when the day of school was done. I made a few friends but my shyness was well developed by that time and I stuck to the back of the class.

About a year into prerequisite classes, I struggled and struggled with making the decision to attend the culinary institute on campus. I loved the thought of learning more about baking  so I finally screwed up my courage and signed up for culinary. The hardest thing I’ve done in my life up to that point was to show up every day and try my best.  It was during this time of intense stress, lack of sleep and confidence, that my first invisible disease accelerated its appearance.  Advil and Ibuprofen became a companion of mine to get through some days. The pain escalated as I fought to keep up with the others in my class. Lack of concentration, ability to find the right words and the feeling of living in a fog all came crashing down on me and I wasn’t sure what had happened to who I had been. The struggle that class had been before, had just doubled and some days, tripled. A kitchen is where you must be at your best, ready to run your own legs off to prepare a meal for someone else. You have to be able to multi-task several times over – and that ability had just been taken from me.

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