Tag Archives: inspiration

The Tears of My Heart

12 May

This is a post that I wrote in 2016 that I decided needed to be dusted off and shared again.

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I found this in my drafts folder earlier this week and decided that it is ready to be shared. While I now have a diagnosis and somewhat-of-a-plan for a cure, these feelings do so frequently overwhelm me and I once again, have to remind myself of the unfailing love of my Saviour.

tearsofmyheart

I feel the tears fill my eyes. One by one they drop to my cheek, and follow the curve down to my chin. Drip. Drip. Drip. I reach up to wipe them away, but what’s this? My cheek is dry, as are my eyes. As I rub my fingers together I realize the tears are not outside, but in. It is inside that is aching. Longing. Crying. But these tears cannot be wiped away so easily with a delicate handkerchief or manicured nails. These require connection, vulnerability and love. Confession of the heart is of the utmost importance if one wants to heal it. But what do I have to confess?

Anger. Frustration. Hurt. All over seemingly-unanswered prayer. Anger that this pain has inhibited 10 years of my life. Frustration that a cure remains beyond my grasp. Hurt that I cannot go on as those around me – event after event.

But this type of contemplation only brings tears that fall onto my cheek. Tears that will need to be wiped away before they fall from my trembling chin. It would be better, rather, to focus on getting through the pain. Accepting my limitations and counting the many blessings I am surrounded with.  So, while the aching inside me continues, I will work to let Him heal it. For I, on my own, cannot heal such a hurt. Even while the tears threaten to overflow my eyes, I will lift my face to the sun and praise Him who has made me and sustained me and blessed me beyond measure.

“Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me. 

Bless His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,

who forgives your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good,

so that your youth is renewed like the eagles wings.”

Psalm 103:1-5

*If you have or are struggling with unanswered prayer I encourage you to keep faith! Continue asking and seeking the Lord. His answer might not be the one you (or I) want but His plan far surpasses any plan we can invent. He is the author of everything, give your pain and struggles to Him daily. He can handle them.

~Laura

 

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If you’re interested in some more posts on pain, check out How much more will Chronic Illness steal from me? ,  Chronic Illness Silence   and Encouragement for living with Chronic Illness

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My List of To-Read books for 2020

13 Jan

After scrolling through several articles on ‘must-read-books’ on Pinterest, I decided to put one together for myself for this coming year. I’ve focused on five different areas/genres as well as making sure that I either own them or am able to get them from the library. Yes, I will inevitably buy books throughout the year but it won’t be to read what I’ve put on this list. I’ll also add, that there’s only 25 books here and there is no doubt I’ll read more than double that. But, this is a place to start – a focus, if you will.

As I read them, I intend on coming back here and marking them – how I’m not sure yet? – so that I know just where I’m at with this list by the end of the year.

20200113_143702

Faith and Personal Growth

Biographies:

Writing Related:

Fiction:

Potential Re-Reads:

I’ve also created a Pinterest board full of reading challenges, go check it out if you’re thinking of starting one, there are several to choose from! There’s even ones that are based by country (so cool). But I’ve just decided on doing this one:

Inky-Bookworm-Reading-Challenge-2018-c

(I got this from The Inky Bookworm)

These are the pages that I gathered some of these book suggestions from, go check them out and see what else you can add to your To-Read list!

Creative Home Keeper

More Radiance

4 Hats & Frugal

Have you ever done a Reading Challenge? What books are you planning on reading this year?

*you can find me on Instagram or on Facebook *

~Laura

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Thin Walls and Silent Doors

6 Aug

I wrote most of this late one night on my phone while trying to block the light from waking up my OH. I dusted it off and then finished it in order to share it with you guys today. I hope you like this writing snippet.

wrtngprmptthinwalls&silentdoors

Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

“Sometimes, you give your heart freely, others it’s stolen from you, and sometimes you have no rights to it at all.”
“Lonnie?” The name was spoken hesitantly.
“Lonnie never cared about my heart. He only wanted to possess me.” She spoke softly, but with a hard edge to her words.
He could hear her sister shift uncomfortably, Fern had her own memories of Lonnie.

He finished closing the door, as silent as he could. The surprise he’d planned for the girls was waiting outside. He admitted to himself that as much as he wanted to make Fern smile, it was really Helen that he…
“And Garrett!?”
He froze at the sound of his name.
” Garrett .I … He… It’s a little of the first two, I guess. He stole my heart, and I gave it freely. Even though I knew it was pointless. Nothing can happen between us.”
His heart stopped beating at the first admission and broke at the second. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he stood in the entry way. Of course, he’d known she was still getting over what Lonnie had done. He’d known it would take a long time for her to be ready to open her heart again. But the finality in her voice made him wonder if she ever truly would. He breathed deeply against the pain, trying to stem the flow of tears so the girls wouldn’t hear. The walls of his house weren’t thick enough to block the sound of a broken heart.

Silence stretched thin in the other room. Finally Fern spoke, “I know I’m younger, Helen, but I want you to listen to me. Listen! If we stop livin’ and just. . . just give up inside then what has it all been for? We could’ve stayed there in that place. It wouldn’ta made any difference. But we got out. We’re out, Helen. And I’m not sayin’ that you should just… just jump in Garrett’s arms or nothin’ but he’s a good man. He’s the tree that the wind blows but can’t uproot. Give life a chance. Don’t stop livin’.”

Garrett would have given much to see inside the room after Fern’s words but he didn’t want to interrupt such an important conversation. He silently blessed Fern for her words to her older sister.  He dragged in a ragged breath, waiting for Helen’s response. A footstep outside the door alerted him and he moved to intercept the person before they knocked. He eased the door open and motioned them to be quiet, all the while his ear cocked for any word from Helen.

“Helen?”

A soft sigh drifted to him, “I’ve got nothin’ left in me. Nothin’ at all. Nothin’ Garrett would want. Nothin’ that I even want. No. No, Fern, no more. I’ve heard you, now you hear me. I’m wrung out and I can’t…I can’t.”

Before Garrett could move, Helen burst from the room. Blinded by tears, she didn’t see him standing there, one hand on the door while the other reached out for her. She bolted to the room across the hallway, slamming the door shut. Slowly he opened the front door wider, and cancelled the surprise he’d planned. There would be no smiling tonight.

He wasn’t sure if he ever would again.

 

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