Archive | December, 2018

Health Update Nov/Dec 2018

22 Dec

I really had to go back and check when I last shared a health update because it does not feel like it’s been a month already! These weeks have gone by so fast, and because of that, I have not kept very good track of how I’ve been doing. Eesh.

fightinglymemigraines

Overall Health:  Fatigue and Fibro have both eased, even before my nutrient IV last week! In between the awful bouts of pain, I’ve had times of almost excess energy. Strange. And wonderful. I’ve been steadily adding my supplements/vitamins back in. Although I did realize that Resveratrol (2/day) causes upset stomach for me! Less than 24 hrs on it and I was having the same problems that I had a few months ago. I cut back to 1/day and am fine again. So. Shrug.

Nov 28- decent day, took 2 naps, 3hrs total. Fibro still flaring and fatigue pretty strong
Nov 29- started 21day workout challenge. 

Dec 11- IV today
Dec 14- a noticably better day overall. No clonidine till @ 10pm. Only slight fibro until later evening. Very tired all day and a little spacy but best day I’ve had in weeks probably
Dec 16- tired all day, oddly energetic late evening. Two clonidine for migraine. Minimal fibropain until evening, left calf cramped. Mood good.
Dec 17- energetic, a bit tired in am but worked out, cleaned bathrooms and juiced. Left calf still tight. Migraine kicked up in evening, very tired in evening

Screenshot_20181222-080835_Instagram

Migraine: These are still daily – and pretty intense every day, but I feel like they are responding to treatment better lately.

 

Sleep:  I’m still getting just about 7 hours exactly with 2 or 3 wakings in the night. Most nights I am completely exhausted but have to wait til I can get the pain down to a decent level to go to bed. Sometimes my naps ruin going to bed at a halfway decent hour and other nights I’m still falling asleep on the couch at 9pm.

Memory/Brain Fog: After a full month on Turmeric instead of Neuroflam, I think it’s working – at the very least I haven’t noticed a big decrease in my memory. The only thing is that I have had a shorter attention span lately. I’m not sure if that has to do with this or just fatigue?

Vision: There hasn’t been any vision loss this month – huzzah! But I have had semi-frequent blurring.

Screenshot_20181222-080915_Instagram

TMJ: This has stayed the same – I’m attributing it to the fact that I haven’t been to my bodywork doctor in about four months. It pops painfully most every day and aches so that my teeth hurt daily.

Fatigue: Thanks to getting regular IV’s again, while this is still strong, it isn’t quite so…overwhelming. Naps are a necessity almost every day, and often they are unexpected (read: I sit down to work on my book/blog/crochet project and suddenly I’m waking up two hours later)

Fibromyalgia: I’m happy to report that this has eased slightly. I think it’s because of the extra thing we added to my nutrient IV last time. (of course, I cannot remember what it was called, but it was specifically to see if it helped with inflammation in the joints/the awful aching) My left calf is still tense/self flexing throughout the day and I’ve been getting cramps in my feet/calves again. I’m glad that they haven’t started again in my hands/elbows though. Ice is still the current magic treatment – be it on my calves or neck. If I’m resting, I’ve got one on me.

Weight Loss: sort of?

Screenshot_20181222-081007_Instagram

Mood: Even though I’m only taking 2 Xiao Chai Hu Tang a day (instead of my previous 4), this has stayed good.

Digestion: This has also been good (well, for me). BUT. As I said at the beginning of this post – I did realize that Resveratrol (2/day) causes upset stomach for me! Less than 24 hrs on it and I was having the same problems that I had a few months ago. I cut back to 1/day and am fine again. So. I’m glad that I realized it quickly.

Screenshot_20181222-080946_Instagram

And that’s it for this month! I’m remaining hopeful that this coming year will be full of further improvements. So much so that even I can’t miss them. Heh. Happy Holidays and I’ll see you again next week with this month’s Book Reviews!

~Laura

P.S. Did you see this post – How Much More Will Chronic Illness Steal From Me? that I wrote on the emotional side of living with chronic illness? This one, Chronic Illness Silence, I wrote this time last year about how hard it is to share about what chronic illness sufferers go through. This one , The Dark Before the Dawn, is a late night conversation on pain.

P.P.S. For a more upbeat tone, go check out Hesitant Fate, just a short story I wrote from a writing prompt.

P.P.P.S. Watch next month for my Top Reads and Top Posts of 2018!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

How much more will Chronic Illness steal from me?

11 Dec

As a girl, I never used to think about growing older. Oh I did in the sense of ‘what do I want to be when I grow up’ and that sort but I never thought past that. Who does when you’re twelve years old and running around barefoot with your pigtails slapping your shoulders?

But with the passage of time, my looking ahead has changed. As it does for everyone. Dreams shift with the wind-blown sand. Hopes are shattered like glass. Sunrises fill your eyes and heart with fire.

chrncillnsssteal

 

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

Now, instead of career goals and adventures waiting in the future, I look past the busy years to the slow rocking of a chair on a porch. I picture myself sitting there, a blanket on my lap and a long braid down my shoulder. My eyes are dimmed but I can see well enough to read a favorite novel from time to time.

I think about myself, white-haired and worn out. And wonder. I wonder what will I have done in the intervening years?  Will I have struggled against this disease that whole time, being relegated to wishing and hoping but stuck fighting just to stay alive? Or will the miracle that I’ve been praying for, finally happen, and I am able to move forward. Move toward a dream. Or two. Or even three.

(like children. a small homestead. Living in Israel for a year. Having writing be my career.)

I will have lived a full life, whether I am chronically ill for the whole length of it, or if I am able to beat it to a large enough degree that I can DO. Do the things that I dream of doing. Do things that I haven’t even thought of.

But there’s a fear deep inside of me. A fear that I rarely acknowledge. For what’s the use of pulling something out for the light of day that you can’t do anything about? But here I am, dusting it off and showing it to you.

There’s a fear deep inside that even though I am fighting and will continue to fight, Lyme will have stolen so many years from me that it’ll be too little too late…All we have is this one life, we don’t get a do-over. Already it has taken 13 years – my whole adult life – how much more will it steal?

Will the old woman in the rocking chair have been there since she was in her thirties?

Will life continue to pass by in a sort of haze-  being a part of it but still very much on the outskirts? I am better able to commiserate with people my grandparents age, than with my own.

Deadlines at work and stress over obnoxious coworkers? I have to go back to almost ten years ago to be able to identify with that.

Trying to navigate parenting a young one? Thanks to my health, we haven’t even been able to try for any kids of our own.

Unable to remember that important thing and not sure which doctor to try next? That I understand and have recent experience with.

Are you trying to gauge which medication/supplement/treatment is helping or not? Yep, right there with you.

And while I can laugh about this reality, shoved deep down inside is that fear that it will never change. And if it never changes, how will I react to that fact? I have survived these past few years by simply not thinking about it – by focusing on the fact that I have made progress in healing. Obviously that’s not a bad thing, focusing on the positive. But I know that this fear that is hidden away is going to rear its ugly head eventually and completely. freeze. me. Like it’s done in the past. I know it will again.

Along with that fear is the realization that even while fighting Lyme,  I can still have a full life. I can still chase a few dreams and make wonderful memories. Just like I’ve been doing the past 13 years. I finished Culinary School. Traveled overseas and across country.  Fell in love. Married. Moved a few times. Gained new friends and nieces and nephews. Picked up an old hobby. Started and finished writing a novel. Etc, etc, etc.

So I share this fear of mine with you not as someone without hope. But as someone that is trying to acknowledge, and share, the hidden things, the secret things that go on in someone living with chronic illness. Just because there may be healing going on, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t a basket full of fears and worries still waiting to be dealt with.

~Laura

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

How I did on Nanowrimo 2018

7 Dec

I wanted to share with you all just how I did during last month’s National Novel Writing Month – aka Nanowrimo. This was my fifth…sixth? year doing it and I’m eagerly looking forward to Camp Nano that comes in April and July.

nano2018recap

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

By the 20th of November, I’d hit a whopping 4k odd words. Not the number I was hoping for but I’m trying to only be proud of it and not be disappointed. It’s a lot more words than I started this month with. I did get distracted and wrote 1k on a completely separate story so it’s been hard to pull myself away from that and back into the world of my novel.

The 25th- I’ve gotten 804 words down! It’s so unexpected because we drove home yesterday and I’m normally just so wiped out that my brain is mush.  Total word count now is 6,792!

The word count total on the 28th is 7845 – another 1,053 words down.

And that’s it folks, Nano ended without me reaching 25k, which was my goal instead of the normal 50k. I am planning on continuing with tracking my word count as it seems to really help me want to sit down and write. My struggle still seems to be balancing getting what needs done around the house and writing – in those times that I have physical energy and mental clarity. But that’s a long rabbit trail of a comment.

I am pleased that in the words I DID get written, I have managed to gain a slightly better understanding of the relationship between my MC and her aunt (it’s changing from how it was in the first draft), my MC’s changed goals/immediate dreams as well as who some of the side characters are at the outset of the story. Quite a lot of info gleamed from just 8k words.

~Laura

Did you do nanowrimo? I’d love to hear about it!

 

 

Tags: , ,

December 2018 Goals

4 Dec

I am sitting here at such a messy desk, you guys. I’ve been putting off cleaning up my office all week because there were more pressing matters to get to – like decorate for Hanukkah – but this mess has GOT to be dealt with this week. It’s driving me crazy – even when I can’t see the cluttered desk and covered counter behind me (not to mention the disaster that is the drawers), I know it’s here, waiting for me. Accusing me of not getting to it yet. The guilt is real. But for this afternoon, I’m going to sit in the midst of it and ignore it to get this written out and scheduled!

I feel pretty good about what I accomplished in November, although when you look at my list and the amount of things not crossed off, you might be surprised to hear that. I have been struggling with falling asleep for a few hours every afternoon (and before you think ‘that sounds so nice’ – it’s not. I’ll be in the midst of a crochet project or trying to edit my book and next thing I know, I’ve blinked and it’s two hours later. Chronic Fatigue isn’t cool.) Anyhow, what with that and being on vacation for a week (so much fun) around Thanksgiving, I’m  okay with my progress.

With all that in mind, I’m keeping December’s goals to a minimum.

dec2018goals

Photo by Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash

Recap of Monthly Goals:

Watch/Read a documentary/biography

Try a new recipe: I made coconut chicken tenders from  Against All Grain cookbook. We weren’t too crazy about them, sadly. But I think that was partly my fault, not the recipe.

Read theology/marriage/bible study book: I’ve been slowly working my way through Constantine’s Sword

Edit ‘Amelia’ : I haven’t done as much as I wanted to (more on that coming later this week) but there has been progress

Eat healthier/lose weight :  I have lost a smidge of weight and am getting back to eating less starch/corn/processed. The holidays were hard on my eating =(

Post Regularly  – 3 out of 4 posts isn’t bad

November’s Goals:

Best effort on NANOWRIMO – I did as good as I could but not my BEST – again, more on that later this week

Complete Joann’s Crochet Along  – I am thinking I’ll add to it but for now, it’s done

Vacuum Subaru

Clean Floor Vents

A few Secret goals =)

1 thing I did that I didn’t think I could: I went to and made it through a full service at synagogue!

December Goals:

Clean Floor Vents OR Vacuum Subaru

Make: marshmallows, gingerbread cookies/house, etc

Get shelves for classic books

set up 2019 planner?

~Laura

 

 

Tags: ,