Chronic Pain and its side effects

17 Jun

I try not to use SGL as a place to vent but i wrote this a few weeks ago and I keep feeling the need to share it here. Maybe it’ll help someone know they aren’t alone in their pain. Mom, get a box of kleenex, you’ll probably end up crying. Sorry.

chronicpaineffects

It is a bit dis-jointed, but I’m going to type it here just like I wrote it:

“I want to yell and scream at the world, no, at the ever-ending, swirling, devouring Pain. The Pain that not only claws at me day and night but the equally absorbing exhaustion that pulls at my legs as if I had two ball and chains dragging around behind me; that weighs down my shoulders making me bend like a wizened old woman who has lived such a full life that her back has aged less gracefully than her spirit; it stiffens my hips and arms – the exhaustion is just as consuming as the Pain but for some reason it’s not talked about.

The reason for any of my sanity remaining lies in three places.God, family and friends, and Pain pills. The pills is the one that gnaws at me, the relief so wonderfully given, I fear, will come at a costly price and each day that goes by, I fear just what it will be. To get through a day means to take them, but what about the rest of my life?

A mind dragged through persistent, severe pain eventually starts falling. Falling to that which we all fear when we reach our later years. Falling to an ever-constant awareness of Pain past, present and future. To live in the moment becomes almost impossible. To be feeling well now means it is time to prepare for the Pain that is coming. Falling to the realization of broken hopes and shattered dreams. Falling to comparisons – between you and anyone healthy. Eventually the splintered mind will cordon itself off- just to raise its chances of survival.

This. This is the life of chronic Pain. It is not just the brutal Pain that vice grips my temples- but it’s the slow deterioration of everything else- all while tenaciously holding on to the life I long for.”

I would add to this, on the positive side, that I do lead a wonderful life – I have a sweet husband who supports and takes care of me, a dog that loves me despite never getting out for walks anymore and so many genuine friends, new and old. The problem lies in not being able to chase my dreams, or even keep my house clean and food made because of what my body is doing. It has begun shutting out so many things in my life that daily I worry what else is going to get pulled from my grasp.

So here’s to essential oils and herbs, prescription pain pills and netflix, video games and absorbing novels, heating pads and soft blankets – that make it all a little easier to bear.

~Laura

13 Responses to “Chronic Pain and its side effects”

  1. Viktorija June 17, 2015 at 10:07 am #

    Laura, I’m so sorry. :/ I can’t imagine what life with chronic pain is like. You’re in my prayers, dear friend.

    Like

  2. Rose L. June 17, 2015 at 10:31 am #

    Since I have had sciatica the last 2 months, I have become discouraged and depressed by the chronic pain. It is difficult to live with chronic pain.

    Like

    • booksnbakery June 18, 2015 at 5:24 pm #

      ooh ouch! i’m sorry you’ve got that going on! It is very hard to keep ones spirits’ up but finding something to occupy your mind when you’re once again stuck on the couch can make a big difference. Praying for you Rose.

      Like

  3. Maryann Hore June 20, 2015 at 11:04 am #

    Oh Laura, I DO understand the exhaustion! Just 1 painful canker sore causes tiredness. I can’t imagine the exhaustion that the kind of pain you experience would be! I love you so much, I hurt for you……

    Like

  4. chbernard June 20, 2015 at 1:46 pm #

    Wow, this was spot on… did you some how get in my brain, this is just how I feel! I agree, life is still good… however you slowly feel like you are losing more and more and fear what the future will bring! I will cheers you right back with essential oil, pills, netflix, and loved ones! I recently also wrote a post about dealing with life with chronic illness… it took a lot for me to post it… you are so very brave for posting this, I am glad you did! Keep fighting!

    Like

    • booksnbakery August 4, 2015 at 3:25 pm #

      I am sorry I haven’t responded sooner! i am sorry also that you are in the same boat – I am now 3 weeks off the BAD prescription pain pills and i am actually feeling better (rebound migraines are sneaky) but they are, of course, still strong. Will you share the link for your post, I’d love to read it. and you’re right, it’s hard to share but i felt like i had to

      Like

  5. Kendra June 25, 2015 at 3:36 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear this! I have suffered with short seasons of chronic pain so I know it is nothing to take lightly. But it seems that you have a good attitude and perspective! Thanks for joining Friday’s Link-Up

    Like

    • booksnbakery June 25, 2015 at 9:56 pm #

      Oh dear, I’m sorry you’ve had chronic pain as well. It’s such a rough thing! I enjoyed checking out the other blogs and hope to join the link up frequently =)

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dealing with the Pain of a Disappointing Doctor | the start of a good life - August 21, 2015

    […] put to voice – for then we would be revealing just how vulnerable we are.  I have talked before about how the pain  doesn’t just mess with your body but with your mind as well and having to […]

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  2. Letting go and Moving on | the start of a good life - December 28, 2015

    […] doing any more growing. It’s hard to describe just what chronic pain does to you, I tried HERE,  and I am frequently wishing my OH could have known me before all these physical limitations that […]

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  3. the year was 2015 and SGL’s most popular posts | the start of a good life - December 31, 2015

    […] Chronic Pain and its side effects – an honest look at what chronic pain does to you (or me, as the case more accurately is) but what is less-talked about […]

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