Can I just use this time as a little ‘therapy’ session?
I am really overly tired of feeling like this. It reminds me of why I become a bit of a hermit when it goes on like this – I don’t like having to tell everyone that no, I’m still not feeling well and yes I’m trying everything the doctor recommends. No one is judgemental or anything negative, I think that it just makes me realize just how bad i have been lately – for quite a while actually – when I have to say it out loud. Example : I haven’t felt ‘normal’ – energetic, motivated, well rested, pain free etc.. etc.. – since October of last year , except for about a week and a half. Sigh. I’m over it. I have had more days of sitting on this couch on the laptop or staring painfully at the ceiling than I ever wanted or dreamed I would.
Years ago, I used to get these and work and go to culinary school but honestly, if they were like these are now? I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I wouldn’t have done any of it actually. Another Sigh. Just another reminder that my health is getting worse instead of better.
I want to be able to plant my garden this spring; I want to start running every day with my dog ; I want to take my nephews/nieces to the park; I want to get a part time job and help with bills; I want to have enough attention span to write every day. . . . So many things I dream of doing ‘when I’ve got my health back’ and one day I want to believe I will do them. Hopefully it won’t be because I’ve taken more pain pills or have just decided to ignore and push back the pain.
My acupuncturist has suggested a new thing to try called ‘the Fast Metabolism Diet’ since it kick starts the Thyroid and the Adrenal Glands (i.e. what I need!) I have the book ordered and am looking for it to come in the mail next week, so I am thinking I’ll be able to start it that next Monday, I think that’s April 1st. (that makes my OCD happy, starting the beginning of the month!) and I am really hoping it helps! My OH said he’d do it with me, and that will definitely help out.
I did work out today, that is another thing I am hoping to start doing every other day. I also want to do stretches on the opposite days. I have, on my left side, a ‘sensitive’ shoulder blade and hip that need a lot of stretching and TLC. Joy.
Chronic pain may have made me put so many dreams on hold, but I must say that I am thankful that it didn’t hold me back from meeting and marrying the man I’d been waiting for. Chronic pain has helped me grow in my faith and in compassion for others. Chronic pain has made my joy in seeing others going after their dreams twofold.
Chronic pain has made me weary. But I will not give in or give up. I will keep up the fight. Hour by hour. Day by day.