The First Weeks of Nanowrimo 2019 (and what else I’ve been up to)

16 Nov

I know, I know, it’s been quite a while since I shared a post on here! I’ve thought about it – many times.  I’ve wished I could just sit down and give you all an update on how I’m doing, what I’ve been reading and share oodles of puppy pictures with you. And I know what you’re going to say –

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I’d wear one by my side.

If “if’s” and “and’s” were pots and pans,

There’d be no work for tinkers’ hands.”

That’s not what you were going to say? Oh.

Well.

This is awkward now.

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And, moving on-  suffice it to say, I’ve been busy, life can knock you down while at the same time bring you a cute rambunctious fluffy puppy to snuggle.

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In case you haven’t met her yet, this is Rory. We picked her up October 2nd and she’s been – mostly- a little doll since. She sleeps through the night -!! – and absolutely adores Abby. She gets sad when Dad leaves for work and has gone from crawling up on to just jumping onto the ‘dog couch’.

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Aside from that, I’ve struggling with some health set backs that have been frustrating. But I’m going to be talking with my doctor soon to start a new protocol.

And now, for the last bit of news – National Novel Writing Month started on the first of November and I have actually been doing really well! There’s only been a few days where I didn’t meet my minimum word count goal of 1,667 (and only one day that I didn’t write at all). I am editing my novel – again – so I decided to just make i easy on myself and chose to aim for 50k words. As you’ll see, my current draft word count is over that mark, as of last night! I’m excited about this as it means I’ve been able to add in the other POV’s that the story needed, as well as some desperately needed changes in the overall plot.

*POV is  point of view*

My goal is to get as much edited as I can before the month is over. And then to just keep at it until it’s ready to send to beta readers!

Total word count so far: 33,580

Current Draft word count: 52,012

 

I will do my best to come back and update you as the month progresses on how I’m doing with Nano and my health but I’m not going to push myself on it. Those are my main two goals this month (as well as taking care of the puppies of course) and I’m trying to not add any more pressure about anything else.

If you’re doing Nano, how is it going for you? 

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Sherwood by Meagan Spooner Book Review

26 Oct

I love a good fairy tale.

I also love a good fairy tale re-telling. And that’s exactly what this one is. Spooner has a way of taking a classic story and weaving something new out of it – while keeping the spirit of the original tale in tact. If you read my review of Hunted, you already know that I was eager to read more of this author. Well, she did NOT disappoint, you guys! She did it again with this rendition of Robin Hood – but from Maid Marian’s point of view.

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Here’s the synopsis right from the book:

Robin of Locksley is dead.

Maid Marian doesn’t know how she’ll go on, but the people of Locksley town, persecuted by the Sheriff of Nottingham, need a protector. And the dreadful Guy of Gisborne, the Sheriff’s right hand, wishes to step into Robin’s shoes as Lord of Locksley and Marian’s fiancé.

Who is there to stop them?

Marian never meant to tread in Robin’s footsteps—never intended to stand as a beacon of hope to those awaiting his triumphant return. But with a sweep of his green cloak and the flash of her sword, Marian makes the choice to become her own hero: Robin Hood.

 

 

And here are a few of my favorite quotes:

 

“Who are you to say that being a lady, in itself, is not its own kind of war.”

“The soul knew the target. All Marian had to do was welcome the bow to herself, let it become her heart and the arrow her voice, and then step out of the way.”

It’s easy to be a hero when you never look beyond your next battle.”

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Once again, we get to see not just Marian’s side of the story, but Robin’s as well. Filling in gaps and letting us get to know Marian even better, Spooner once again weaves a tale full of adventure, intrigue and romance (major and minor) between her characters. So much was unexpected in this story of the classic tale that I cannot wait to read it again. Honestly, I’ll probably be starting it again today to read before I have to return it to the library next week.

As someone who has always been intrigued about archery (I’d absolutely love to take lessons one day), it was a fun element of the story for me. The side characters were well done as well – even the changes of Little John were good. Her little band of ‘merry men’ and her maid (love her!) who supported her and sought to do what was right.

Now, there was a few paragraphs that I got concerned just how far Spooner was going to take the scene of kissing, but she kept it ‘kosher’ as we say here in my house. There’s also talk of remembering holding the other/kissing/ etc but nothing overtly sexual. If you have a teen, I’d recommend reading it beforehand, just so you know what’s in it. But, otherwise, it’s mild – which is the only way I’ll read it!

Also, there were a few curse words near the end. I remember wondering at her choice to all of a sudden use them when she hadn’t the other 400 pages…

My overall feeling of this book? It’s made it to my Favorite Reads of this Year, just like Hunted did.  I definitely plan on owning it once the price comes down – this was published this year (2019).  The world building was good – whether in the forest, her home, or in Nottingham. There weren’t too many (or too few) characters to keep track of and each main and important side ones were well thought out, in my opinion. As I said, there were enough plot twists that I really didn’t see coming so the ending was a pleasant surprise.

~side note, it’s rare when I read a newly published book so this was kinda cool for me!~

I created a board on Pinterest for archery costumes (this is what happens when you stay up really late after finishing a really good book) if you’re interested, check it out! 

While covering different genres, I do not read anything that has blatant sexual content. I will tell you if there is any sort of such (typically very mild and delicately put) in them and if I don’t think they’d be appropriate for young/teenage readers.

If you’ve got any fairy tale re-tellings to recommend, I’d love to hear them!

~Laura

Health Update August 2019

10 Sep

Hello again friends. Thanks for stopping by SGL for this month’s health update. Fighting Lyme Disease is definitely the hardest thing I’ve done – and that will probably always be true. This journey to health is so up and down that it’s easy to get disheartened. Thankfully, I’ve been coming out of  the crash I was in and have been able to enjoy the last bit of summer. As well as start preparing for a new addition to our little family come the beginning of October.

 

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Overall Health: There’s improvement in the wind, folks. I stopped taking the atovaquile/Malarone and my fatigue diminished greatly.

8-5 tired all day and dealt with keeping migraine down BUT,  was up and about a lot. Had odd energy, pretty clear brain too
8-6 crushing fatigue late am on. Some fibro in feet and calves. 
RELATED to: eating corn? Overdoing it yesterday? 
8-7 better,  about halfway between the 5th and 6th. Still fatigued but up and about.  
8-8 low energy and so fatigued again 
8-17 Started cordyceps 1/day am. Decent energy,  tho tired in am, fatigue hit afternoon but didn’t nap! Fell asleep at 9pm. 
8-20 increased cordyceps 2/day. Fatigue still very strong. 
8-23 drove  to bend.  Seized back had eased enough from Wednesday eve.  Felt pretty well all day,  took short nap late afternoon. 
8-24 – stomach upset off and on all day. Decent energy. Some fibro flaring in my feet.  
Since stopping  the Malarone on the 22nd, fatigue has eased considerably. Rash on face is still present, flares every 4 to 5 days probably.  (Strange)

Migraine:  One near-nuclear migraine with several that were really hard to get the pain level down. But, I really am surprised at how these have minimized. Now, before you get too excited, I do still have pain every day. But there’s been more days that I didn’t take any Clonidine til evening. I am chalking this improvement up to the 4.5 mg of the LDNs that I take every evening. (Low Dose Naltrexone).

Sleep:  I’m getting more like 8 to 9 hours each night, with the normal 2 or 3 wakings. I am also putting this to the LDN’s. I haven’t been needing naps daily either, which is so very nice.

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Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little bit more – I’m noticing I’m able to recall words/names easier. But when the brain fog hits – man, it hits. *same as last month

Vision: The scintillating scotomas have eased since I stopped the Malarone. I did start to lose my vision once this past month.

TMJ:  It’s been hurting a bit more but I still am blaming that on the fact that when I nap, I don’t put in my night guard. It has been quite tense this past week though.

Fatigue:  As I said, this has decreased even more. I am able to push myself more than I have in years, probably. But, of course, I do have days where I just am relegated to the couch because I am so fatigued. Or that I just need to space out what I plan, to give my body the rest it needs.

Fibromyalgia:  Thankfully, this has eased as well! I only get the nerve pain in my feet when I’ve been walking a lot (or have sugar). My calf has calmed down SO much. My back has seized up twice this month but I think that’s because of my weight.

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Weight Loss: Nope. But, I’m trying to get out and walk more and do mini workouts when I feel well enough to.

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it.  *I’m leaving this up because I’ve increased this to 2 tsps a day and it’s so worth it.

Digestion:   This has been a little more touchy lately. Out of the blue my stomach will get really upset. I have some ideas of what maybe I’m not digesting well but…

 

Now, if you’re interested in what prompted me to stop taking the Malarone after a month of taking it, I’ll tell you. My doctor really wanted me to stay on it but a few days before heading to visit my parents, I was thinking about it and the 3 hour drive and all, and I realized that I just couldn’t do one. more. day. of taking the pills that were making me feel like I was going to fall asleep at any moment. Or that were causing major brain fog, increased scintillating scotomas and increased fibropain. I debated about it, researched it, but decided that I know my body best, and that I was just at the end of what I could stand. Within just 12 hours of stopping, I could tell a difference. And then, just days after, there was even more of a change. I’m so glad I remembered to be my own advocate.

 

~Laura

How are you feeling lately?

Only in Gooding Series Review

6 Sep

This series by Cathy Marie Hake is so much fun. Set in Texas in the 1890s, it follows the lives of the inhabitants of Gooding. Heartfelt and full of laughs, these christian, historical romance novels are easy to read and very enjoyable.

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~While covering different genres, I do not read anything that has blatant sexual content. I will tell you if there is any sort of such (typically very mild and delicately put) in them and if I don’t think they’d be appropriate for young/teenage readers.~

 

Fancy Pants  – Stranded in America, Lady Sydney Hathwell reaches out to a relative in Texas. With a warm invite for his ‘nephew’ to join him on his ranch, Sydney knows her name has caused a mix up. But she decides that it just might be the best way to reach Texas -masquerading as a man. However, when she arrives, Tim Creighton is appalled at the wimpy, Eastern nephew that his boss and friend is going to come home to. He decides to make a man out of Fancy Pants – and right from the get-go he has the ‘kid’ hauling rocks, mucking stalls and assisting with a calving. When Sydney’s identity is eventually revealed, Tim doesn’t like how he’s been deceived. He also realizes he doesn’t like all the attention she’s getting now that she’s wearing ribbons and dresses.

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Forevermore – Hope Ladley goes from one farm to the next, helping those who need it during harvest time in exchange for a bit of essentials. She ends up at the Stauffer farm – where widower Jakob, his young daughter and the pregnant sister that he’s protecting from an abusive husband are struggling. While Hope’s methods often leave Jakob confused and frustrated, he can’t deny the difference that her optimism and hard work are having on all of them. Just when Jakob has realized his feelings for Hope, his brother-in-law arrives, intent on reclaiming his wife. Their new-found happiness is gone, lost in the worry and danger that now plagues them. Can Jakob protect his sister and convince Hope to stay on – as his wife?

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Whirlwind – Eager to start a new life in America, Millicent Fairweather boards the Opportunity with her family. When she’s taken from steerage to be a nanny for the voyage, she soon loses her heart to the sweet little boy. His father, widower Daniel Clark, is hesitant about such a young woman being his son’s nanny. But since it’s only a week, he relents. When tragedy strikes however, Daniel takes the opportunity to aid Millicent and her sister – by marrying Millicent herself. Both say it’s a marriage of convenience but Daniel quickly realizes he’s lost his heart to his new wife. How can he woo her when she’s completely oblivious?

That Certain Spark  – When a double blessing of veterinarian and doctor are found for Gooding, the town is overjoyed. Then they find out that the doctor is a woman. Soon they are up in arms over letting Taylor Bestman practice. Her brother Enoch supports her fully but she’s going to need a lot more in order to fulfill her dream of having her own practice. The town’s blacksmith, Karl Van der Vort, is unwillingly her first patient but is still upset by her chosen occupation. Though he does find himself protective of her as she goes about the town in her red waistcoat and drives around town on her own! Sparks soon fly as pride and attraction meet head-on.

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Serendipity  -Todd Valmer’s plan of fetching his mother and bringing her home to live with him on his farm in Texas hits a major snag when she suddenly keels over on the train. They are dropped off in a small mountain town where the only reliable medical assistance is a young woman who barters for a living. Maggie Rose loves the community of miners that she barters and trades with. As well as making the rose scented soaps and perfumes that have been passed down through several generations. The rose bushes carry a wealth of treasured memories for her. Marriage has never been on Maggie’s mind – until Todd shows up. So when he proposes marriage, she agrees and they marry quickly so Maggie can go to Texas with them. But life in Texas is far different from the one that Maggie had treasured before. Todd and Maggie quickly realize that infatuation is different from love. And that Todd’s mom doesn’t want Maggie for her son. Will they fight for their love and future before it’s too late?

 

~I appreciated the different take on the *’meet-cute’ in this series. And, if you’ve been following SGL for a while, you know that the 1890s are my favorite era. I love reading novels set in this time period, whether it’s fashionable London or down-home farming – like many of Hake’s novels! As I said at the beginning of this review, these are very easy to read, perfect for when you’ve got an afternoon to wile away – or just a few minutes while on your lunch break. They pull you in quickly with the sweet simplicity of the times and interesting characters.

I can highly recommend this series to anyone, with the statement that Forevermore (book #2) and Serendipity (book 5) do deal with some weightier and sensitive issues (physical abuse, learning disabilities, physical intimacy/closeness etc). Even these, though, Hake does it right, I think. Nothing blunt or intense.

~Just in case you noticed that Forevermore isn’t in the cover photo, that’s because I didn’t read it til last – having bought it after I’d returned the few from the library. I do want to own the whole set of these eventually, but for now, the library it is!

*an amusing or charming first encounter between two characters that leads to the development of a romantic relationship between them

Thin Walls and Silent Doors

6 Aug

I wrote most of this late one night on my phone while trying to block the light from waking up my OH. I dusted it off and then finished it in order to share it with you guys today. I hope you like this writing snippet.

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Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

“Sometimes, you give your heart freely, others it’s stolen from you, and sometimes you have no rights to it at all.”
“Lonnie?” The name was spoken hesitantly.
“Lonnie never cared about my heart. He only wanted to possess me.” She spoke softly, but with a hard edge to her words.
He could hear her sister shift uncomfortably, Fern had her own memories of Lonnie.

He finished closing the door, as silent as he could. The surprise he’d planned for the girls was waiting outside. He admitted to himself that as much as he wanted to make Fern smile, it was really Helen that he…
“And Garrett!?”
He froze at the sound of his name.
” Garrett .I … He… It’s a little of the first two, I guess. He stole my heart, and I gave it freely. Even though I knew it was pointless. Nothing can happen between us.”
His heart stopped beating at the first admission and broke at the second. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he stood in the entry way. Of course, he’d known she was still getting over what Lonnie had done. He’d known it would take a long time for her to be ready to open her heart again. But the finality in her voice made him wonder if she ever truly would. He breathed deeply against the pain, trying to stem the flow of tears so the girls wouldn’t hear. The walls of his house weren’t thick enough to block the sound of a broken heart.

Silence stretched thin in the other room. Finally Fern spoke, “I know I’m younger, Helen, but I want you to listen to me. Listen! If we stop livin’ and just. . . just give up inside then what has it all been for? We could’ve stayed there in that place. It wouldn’ta made any difference. But we got out. We’re out, Helen. And I’m not sayin’ that you should just… just jump in Garrett’s arms or nothin’ but he’s a good man. He’s the tree that the wind blows but can’t uproot. Give life a chance. Don’t stop livin’.”

Garrett would have given much to see inside the room after Fern’s words but he didn’t want to interrupt such an important conversation. He silently blessed Fern for her words to her older sister.  He dragged in a ragged breath, waiting for Helen’s response. A footstep outside the door alerted him and he moved to intercept the person before they knocked. He eased the door open and motioned them to be quiet, all the while his ear cocked for any word from Helen.

“Helen?”

A soft sigh drifted to him, “I’ve got nothin’ left in me. Nothin’ at all. Nothin’ Garrett would want. Nothin’ that I even want. No. No, Fern, no more. I’ve heard you, now you hear me. I’m wrung out and I can’t…I can’t.”

Before Garrett could move, Helen burst from the room. Blinded by tears, she didn’t see him standing there, one hand on the door while the other reached out for her. She bolted to the room across the hallway, slamming the door shut. Slowly he opened the front door wider, and cancelled the surprise he’d planned. There would be no smiling tonight.

He wasn’t sure if he ever would again.

 

Health Update July 2019

3 Aug

It’s funny how the hardest part of writing these updates is this introduction. I rarely know just what I want to say right off, so I end up staring at the page, wishing I could just write something, because the rest of the post is done and then I can finish it off! Alas, intros are hard. Apparently. Maybe not for you though.

Anyhow, I’ve gotten this one written up at last.

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Overall Health: I think I can say that, yet again, I’m doing better. Fatigue, while less than it was, is still a major struggle. My fibromyalgia has kicked up in my back and calves/feet again.

7/22- increased LDN to 2.5mg a day.
7/24- started atovaquile, taking at breakfast – before 9am. Felt decent all day,  worked in yard am.  Tired in evening but no big crash
7/25- fatigue all day long. Felt good aside from it. Couldn’t nap.  Migraine tried to flare mid aft. 
7/26- felt well,  cleaned in am.  Fatigue hit around 11am. Related to new pills? 
7/29 increased  LDN to 3 mg. Slept better,  fuzzy brain early am next morning
7/30 – felt good in am,  cleaned house and worked out. Tired in aft but not overwhelming.  Napped after dinner.  Migraine kicked up to a 7? Back/left calf hurt evening and all night. 

7/31 – ran errands in morning, felt ‘off’ and was sensitive to smells while out.  vision loss and nuclear migraine early afternoon, slept/cried/iced for about 4 hours, felt decent enough to get up and make dinner.

8/1 – fragile and dealing with aftermath of nuclear migraine. trying to keep the migraine from flaring again

Migraine:  Only one nuclear migraine (and that was the 31st!)  Mostly, the pain level gets to an 8. And hovers. I’ve had a bit of the odd visual auras (which I found out at my last dr appt that it’s called scintillating scotoma) but not near as much as last month.

Sleep:  I’m still getting 6 to 7 hours a night, with at least 3 wakings. Majority of them I need the ice pack on the pillow.  But there was about a week where I barely needed the ice pack. *yes, this is the exact same as last month!*

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Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little bit more – I’m noticing I’m able to recall words/names easier. But when the brain fog hits – man, it hits.

Vision: The auras have eased.  I just talked about this in the migraine section – go check out that article, it’s about these colors/blur/black spots. Well worth the read.

TMJ:  I’m happy to report that my teeth don’t ache very often anymore. I’ve still been taking naps without my night guard (shame on me, I know) and that is when my jaw is most tense but… well, I figure that’s my fault. It only pops a few times a week now.

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Fatigue: This has decreased a bit, it still hits me and when I take naps they can be a few hours long, but I’m not taking them every day. And I’m not falling asleep directly after dinner either –well, mostly. Overall, I’m able to do more, I just have to space things out and be aware that I need rest times in between.

Fibromyalgia:  As I said above, my back is hurting again. And, I still have my calf aching/cramping/burning pain fairly regularly and my feet do these ‘great’ little nerve freaking out sessions.

Weight Loss: Minimal, but I’m determined to focus on this again!

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it. – this reminder is still real guys.

Digestion:   This is still, thankfully, at my normal.

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As my notes said, I started taking atovaquile just over a week ago. I haven’t noticed any negative or positive side effects from it yet, so I’m waiting to hear back from my doctor. She has me on it for 30 days, just to see if we can kill off some of these buggers. (no, I’m not very technical, sorry.)

I’m still taking NP Thyroid every morning. As well as LDN every evening. Each week I’m increasing that dosage until I hit 4.5 mg.

Since I can’t remember the last time I updated my full list of supplements/vitamins, I’ll share them with you today:

Andrographis

B2

Bearberry (I’m finishing up the bottle I have and then stopping)

Butterbur

Berberine

Calcium

Chaste Tree/Vitex

Complete Mineral Complex

Feverfew

Fibronol

H2PLX

Horse Chestnut

MG

St. John’s Wort

Turmeric

COQ10

Iberogast

Xiao Chai Hu Tang

Liver

And that’s it folks, if you’ve got any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. I did want to share the post that I wrote about the scintillating scotoma (before I knew what they were called).

Thanks for stopping by SGL today,

Laura

 

Hunted by Meagan Spooner Review

26 Jul

If you’ve been around SGL for a while, you probably know that I really enjoy a good retelling of fairy tales ( I’ll link some of my reviews of retellings at the bottom of this post). My friend and I found this book at Powell’s bookstore and I immediately said ‘we’ve got to get this’. I mean, look at that gorgeous cover! And when you read the synopsis, I’m sure you’ll understand why I was instantly hooked.

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I’ve never read Meagan Spooner before but I’m now eager to try more of her books. I know, of course that sometimes, there’s just one book that I’ll love of an author. I really liked the different twists given on this timeless tale of Beauty and the Beast. It’s been weeks since I finished it and I’m still thinking about it. Which means I’m likely to pick this up again soon. Yes. It really was that good.

I’m going to pull the synopsis straight from the back of the book for you:

“Beauty knows the Beast’s forest in her bones – and in her blood. 

Here in the wilderness Yeva is under no pressure to make idle chatter with vapid baronessas… or to submit to marrying a wealthy gentleman. Here she feels one with the ebb and flow of life. Here she is home. 

But when Yeva’s father goes missing in the woods, Yeva sets her sights on one prey : the creature he’d been obsessively tracking just before his disappearance.

Deaf to her sister’s protests, Yeva hunts this strange Beast back into his own territory – a cursed valley, a ruined castle and a world of creatures that Yeva’s only heard about in fairy tales. A world that can bring her ruin, or salvation.”

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Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

“She moves like beauty, she whispers to us of wind and forest—and she tells us stories, such stories that we wake in the night, dreaming dreams of a life long past. she reminds us of what we used to be. She reminds us of what we could be.”

“She was so tired after all. Tired of fairy tales, and magic, and empty castles. Tired of wanting so intensely that she didn’t know what she wanted.”

“The satisfaction of desires sated was short and pale in comparison to the dream of wanting.”

Getting little snippets from the Beast’s side added so much to the tale, and gave us a chance to see the Beast more fully than just a selfish man having to pay a heavy price until someone comes to, basically, rescue him. His story is just as important as Beauty’s and getting to read his feelings about his transformation, about Beauty and…well, all of it, was great.

I appreciated the moral lesson that Spooner wove through the tale. She also seems to have taken inspiration from classic fairy tales that were darker and … well, more full of death. But she did it well. There isn’t any overly done, gross scenes in regard to hunting – there are descriptions of course but Spooner doesn’t get graphic with the telling.

There isn’t any sex scenes- thank you so much for that Meagan! – I appreciate a YA novel that has a good romance story without feeling the need to go to that level.

I did feel that this book could have been longer. It might have been a bit slow in pace (not that I minded) but I did feel that just all of a sudden you were at the ending. I’d have liked either a better balance or the book just enough longer that I wasn’t left going (near the end) with a – ‘wait, what?’

Thankfully, this wasn’t enough to ruin the book for me, I’m able to overlook it because she showed us a strong character in Beauty with enviable hunting skills ; a beautiful world set in old Russia ; a Beast that’s trying and Beauty’s sisters were fully rounded characters that, honestly, I’d love to read more of. I’ll add that the book didn’t end where I was going ‘wait, what?’ and that helped a lot, I think. She finished out the story a bit, leaving that bitter taste a bit diluted.

I’ve read that she’s working on a novel titled “Sherwood” and you can bet that I’m going to be reading that one. This novel has definitely made it to my favorite reads for this year. And, if you’re interested, here’s a few other retellings that I’ve read and loved over the years.

Wildwood Dancing  by Juliet Marillier

Beauty by Robin Mckinley

Spindle’s End by Robin Mckinley

~Laura

Do you love retellings? Have any favorites? I’d absolutely love to hear about them!

 

The Darkness in my Vision

9 Jul

On the edges of my vision there’s a shimmer.

A flash of color.

A vagueness.

A hint of the darkness to come.

I’ve learned that if I keep my eyes forward, it is somehow light enough to ignore. But if I look around, it roars out at me as a lion upon its prey. The strength of its presence causes my whole body to react. My head starts a low pounding, my stomach clenches and my knees feel weak. If left at it’s height, it will take over every part of me, leaving me writhing in pain and fear.

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Photo by Sebastian Muller on Unsplash

So I take the easy path. I fix my eyes straight ahead and breathe deeply. I push it back down. And try not to imagine the colors – the rainbow of them arching out from the center that is a blinding white. I try not to think of the blurriness that makes everything around that color, ‘other’. Something other than what it is. Something that no longer makes sense, as if it’s from another time or place. Something that leaves it’s edges behind with every blink of my eyes.

As my breathing deepens and the shimmer lessens, I forget about the urgency of doing more to avoid it returning and blithely go about my day.  The lion has been tamed and the prey has been rescued.

For the moment, at least.

Once again, another head turn, a glance too fast for my eyes to adjust and there it is again. But this time, the shimmer is brighter. Bigger. And somehow, darker. The colors have turned deeper shades of themselves, the blinding white has taken on a ferocious tint. As my head pounds again and my joints turn to mush, I remember with clarity that this has happened already today.  My hands will shake if I let them, from the fear that is dogging me now, but I harden my will and do what I have to do to avoid the nightmare that just might come anyway.

The darkness is like the lion in the show – the audience blissfully believes it to be tamed and so will draw nearer it than they should. But the trainer knows that it’s only biding its time until it can strike when the trainer has turned his back and let down his guard.

The darkness is coming.

~This is a description of the visual auras that I’ve been getting off and on the past 14 years. The nightmare that comes after this, is a complete loss of vision in my left eye for about half an hour and then such a vicious migriane (I’ve taken to calling them nuclear migraines) that I’m left crying, laying with an ice pack on my face and if I do have to move, I end up crying even more. These are the ones that make me wonder if I will live through it; they make me wonder if there will ever even be an end to the pain. So there’s good reason to avoid these as much as possible. Of course, sometimes, no matter what you do, they come anyway. 

~Laura

June 2019 Book Reviews

3 Jul

I read such different styles of book this past month that I hope you find something to add to your To-Read list!

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Photo by Claudia on Unsplash

~While covering different genres, I do not read anything that has blatant sexual content. I will tell you if there is any sort of such (typically very mild and delicately put) in them and if I don’t think they’d be appropriate for young/teenage readers.~

 

Lord of Chaos (book 6 of the Wheel of Time series) by Robert Jordan – Two different Aes Sedai embassies prepare to travel to meet with Rand Al’Thor, the Dragon Reborn. Morgase finds herself an ally but it’s not one that she expected, or wanted. Mat continues to follow Rand’s outlandish plan. Perrin Aybara, Lord of the Two Rivers, feels the pull of ta’averen and prepares to march.

~Jordan was a genius at weaving together so many different story lines. When I start one of these books, I’m a bit overwhelmed but they suck me in every single time. I admit I still count Perrin as one of my favorites. I have enjoyed seeing Morgase’s story take a different turn than I was expecting -and that of her sons’. All in all, this took me about a month to finish (I kept picking up lighter novels) but as soon as I picked it up I was instantly transported back to their world and would have a hard time putting it down. 

The Binnies and the Dogs and Cats from Everywhere by Jo Ann Stover – The Binnie family tries several things to deal with so many dogs and cats. One of those ways is by moving all of their furniture outside so the cats and dogs can enjoy living in the house.

~I picked this book up at the library’s book sale because I just could not resist the title, nor the drawings throughout. It was a fun, silly story with a good deal of heart. I enjoyed it and am looking forward to passing it on to some of my nephews (and niece).

The Painter’s Daughter by Julie Klassen – Sophie Dupont has been assisting in her father’s studio for years, a shop that is popular with artists as it is near the north Devon coast. When a handsome artist, Wesley Overtree arrives and compliments her not only on her beauty but on her painting as well, Sophie falls hard for him. When he disappears, leaving her in a difficult position, she’s not sure what she’ll do. But then his brother, Captain Stephen Overtree arrives, looking for Wesley to take him home. Finding instead, a young woman suffering from his brother’s recklessness, Stephen offers to marry her in name only. Sophie must decide if she’ll wait for the uncertain chance that Wesley will return or if she’ll trust her future to his brooding brother.

~Finding this at a used bookstore was one of the best things. Seriously. If you’ve been following SGL the past few months, you’ll know that I’ve fallen in love with Klassen’s stories. This one did not disappoint in the least. Because of the subject matter, it was a little more…personal than others of hers. But she wrote it well, touching on the topic without being vulgar. I loved both Sophie’s and Stephen’s struggles throughout. And the other twists and turns throughout meant that I was pleasantly surprised at the end. I highly recommend this novel, although not for a younger audience. Also, this one has gone onto my ‘favorites of the year’ list. 

Bittersweet (California Historical #2) by Cathy Marie Hake – After years of being in love with Galen O’Sullivan, Laney McCain is sure that now is finally the time that he’ll notice the woman she’s become. But squatters on his land divert him. Young Ishmael and Ivy Grubb are uneducated but Galen allows them to stay on, paying them for help around the farm. But he’ll soon have cause to regret his generosity, as will Laney.

~My review on Letter Perfect, the first book of this short series is here.  Sadly, these are the only two! Anyway, I loved getting to read more about the McCain family. And reading more of the O’Sullivan family as well. I just really enjoy reading about families that are close knit through faith and intentionality. Hake crafts a well-written tale with unexpected twists that keep you gasping and guessing. I enjoy these as they are full of faith, but also because they are just plain fun to read (like the Klassen books!). I definitely recommend this one to lovers of historical fiction. There are mentions of intimacy and a young girl being in a compromising situation against her will (if you get my drift) but it’s carefully worded and not gone into. Which, if such a thing must be in a story, that’s how I like/need it to be. 

Raven Flight (book #2 of Shadowfell series) by Juliet Marillier – Having reached Shadowfell, Neryn can finally rest. But too soon she learns that she must leave her new rebel friends and seek out each of the four Guardians to learn how to be a Caller. In order to learn how to use her canny gift to call the Good Folk to help them in their battle against Keldec.

~Click here to read the series review (this is one of my FAVORITE series you guys.)

Hunted by Meagan Spooner – click for a separate review, you don’t want to miss it!!!

I also started Wolfskin by Juliet Marillier but there were some things in it that I’m not a fan of. I’ve put it down and am honestly not sure if I’ll even pick it up again.

 

Currently Reading:

The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King

The Secrets of Pembrooke Park by Julie Klassen

The Mountain Valley War by Louis L’amour (audiobook)

 

To-Read:

The Human Superorganism by Rodney Dietert, PhD

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

Diamond of the Rockies series by Kristen Heitzmann

The Librarian of Auschwitz by Antonio Iturbe

 

Health Update June 2019

28 Jun

When I go to write these health updates, the very first thing I do is pull out my phone and go to my notes. Where I’ve faithfully – or not- kept a log of how I’ve been feeling. Then I’ll email that log to myself and copy and paste it below my Overall Health section… (the wonders of technology that makes that so simple). Well. When I just searched for it, apparently I didn’t put down one day in my log for this month. Not even one day! So, I’m having to rely completely on my memory for this post. Which should be interesting…

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Overall Health: I hesitantly say that I’m doing better than I was at last month’s update. Overwhelming fatigue and visual auras still command much of my attention though.

Migraine:  Thankfully, I haven’t had  more than one turn into a nuclear migraine but there have been several that have wanted to. Mostly, the pain level gets to an 8. And hovers. There have been several days that I didn’t need a clonidine until later in the afternoon, and others where I was taking one right after getting up (and all through the day) and yet nothing would touch the pain.

Sleep:  I’m hitting 6 to 7 hours a night, with at least 3 wakings. Majority of them I need the ice pack on the pillow.  But there was about a week where I barely needed the ice pack.

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Memory/Brain Fog:  This has improved a little I think.

Vision: The auras just don’t want to go away this month. Most days I have a vague sense that my vision is off somehow and others, I get the more intense colors/blur/black spots. Thankfully so far this month, I haven’t lost sight in my left eye at all.

TMJ:  This is about the same as last month although since I’ve been randomly falling asleep during the day (this means without my night guard), my jaw is tenser and my teeth ache a little more. Other than carrying my night guard around with me, I’m not sure how to help this.

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Fatigue: I can’t even tell you how much this has decreased you guys. Partly because it would be hard to describe that change and yet get across how much it is still affecting me -and like I’ve mentioned above, I’m taking almost daily naps. Most of them are right after dinner (picture me dragging myself from table to couch without cleaning up from the meal type of tired).

Fibromyalgia:  Even with cheating last week, this hasn’t been near too terrible. I still have my left side (especially my calf) aching/cramping/burning pain fairly regularly but the intensity has eased.

Weight Loss: Minimal

Mood: I’m very pleased to report that this has mellowed out again and I’m certain it’s because I started back up on Xiao Chai Hu Tang. Remind me to stay on these chinese herbs. It’s worth it.

Digestion:  We’re staying at my normal! Which, is clearly not what it should be but I’m okay with it for now.

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SO. I’d like to state the reason for my improvements for this month.

We took me off the doxycycline. The day before I went in to my doctor, it hit me that I’d been feeling awful for 6 weeks. And I’d been on the doxy for….6 weeks. My body just couldn’t handle it. You know what else has disappeared? The rash all over my face.

I am still taking the NP Thyroid and believe that it’s helping my fatigue.

It’s been a slow battle coming back from being on that antibiotic and I’m thankful that I’m getting back to how I felt before. Of course, it’s frustrating that I fell that far downhill but I’m glad I tried it because now we know. 

As of the 24th, I started LDN’s (low dose naltrexone)- we’re targeting my migraines with this. I’ve been told that they are tolerated very well. We’ve started me out at 0.5mg and are going to slowly increase the dose til I reach 4.5mg (which is the standard dosage). I had to really force myself to do this – after such a strong reaction to the antibiotics, I really just wanted to curl up and lick my wounds. But I knew that that wasn’t the right decision. I can’t waste any more time that I could potentially be getting well, just to get over fear. Sometimes, that’s the right choice. But this time, I knew I had to push myself and just try it.

Because I can’t even imagine life without migraines. I’ve been having them since I was…18 or 19. To go through a day, two days, a week! without one… Ahhh, what a thought. And if we can get these to go away/ or just minimize them, we believe that some of my other pains will ease as well.

So here’s to being bold and trying new things in the slow journey to health.

~Laura

 

 

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