the dreaded to-do list

This is not a topic that is relegated only to those that deal with chronic illness – rather this is something that I believe, touches us all in fits and bursts, throughout our lives. For me, it’s because of my health problems. Before I share with you what this struggle is, I want to point something out.

I’ve noticed that it’s very difficult to verbalize this struggle with others because the first question one is asked is, “Are you depressed?” I am honestly so frustrated over getting asked that. I feel like they are missing everything I am saying and going right to something that they feel they can then ‘fix’ or whatnot. I’m really not sure why this seems to be the main reaction.

So. Don’t react like that, and I’ll share with you.

I’m overwhelmed and tired of struggling to keep up. Everything that needs doing, or things I want to do, rushes up to me sometimes and I. Just. Can’t.

And I mean that literally. I physically can’t. I mentally can’t.

I’ve noticed that if I get overwhelmed, my brain just shuts down. It retreats so fast that I don’t even realize it’s happening until I’m cocooned.

It hurts to walk so often these days – and if I walk a lot, my fibromyalgia flares in the evenings. I can write or crochet but only for a while or, you guessed it, my fibromyalgia flares. Cleaning the house is not only exhausting but it never stinking ends. (this one I know we all can identify with.)  To be fair, I like a tidy house, comfortable to live in but not messy. I can ignore things for a few days  but then I see it and it gnaws on me.

This list could go on, but as I said before, I know everyone feels this way from time to time – completely overwhelmed with their To-Do List. We all want to throw up our hands and say ‘I give up’ and leave the list – and all the messes – on their own.

So, let’s give ourselves permission to do just that. To leave them alone just long enough to pull back together the tattered edges of ourselves so we can get back to it with motivation. To deny the guilt that rises from taking some time for ourselves and ignoring those five loads of laundry and the entire house that needs vacuuming.  To realize that while the list will always be there, it doesn’t need to rule us.

~Laura

Tags: dreaded to do list, fibromyalgia, to do list