The Tears of My Heart

16 Sep

I fond this in my drafts folder earlier this week and decided that it is ready to be shared. While I now have a diagnosis and somewhat-of-a-plan for a cure, these feelings do so frequently overwhelm me and I once again, have to remind myself of the unfailing love of my Saviour.

tearsofmyheart

I feel the tears fill my eyes. One by one they drop to my cheek, and follow the curve down to my chin. Drip. Drip. Drip. I reach up to wipe them away, but what’s this? My cheek is dry, as are my eyes. As I rub my fingers together I realize the tears are not outside, but in. It is inside that is aching. Longing. Crying. But these tears cannot be wiped away so easily with a delicate handkerchief or manicured nails. These require connection, vulnerability and love. Confession of the heart is of the utmost importance if one wants to heal it. But what do I have to confess?

Anger. Frustration. Hurt. All over seemingly-unanswered prayer. Anger that this pain has inhibited 10 years of my life. Frustration that a cure remains beyond my grasp. Hurt that I cannot go on as those around me – event after event.

But this type of contemplation only brings tears that fall onto my cheek. Tears that will need to be wiped away before they fall from my trembling chin. It would be better, rather, to focus on getting through the pain. Accepting my limitations and counting the many blessings I am surrounded with.  So, while the aching inside me continues, I will work to let Him heal it. For I, on my own, cannot heal such a hurt. Even while the tears threaten to overflow my eyes, I will lift my face to the sun and praise Him who has made me and sustained me and blessed me beyond measure.

“Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me. 

Bless His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,

who forgives your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good,

so that your youth is renewed like the eagles wings.”

Psalm 103:1-5

*If you have or are struggling with unanswered prayer I encourage you to keep faith! Continue asking and seeking the Lord. His answer might not be the one you (or I) want but His plan far surpasses any plan we can invent. He is the author of everything, give your pain and struggles to Him daily. He can handle them.

~Laura

4 Responses to “The Tears of My Heart”

  1. rose l. September 16, 2016 at 9:57 am #

    I know the feelings. I have been out of life for 4 months and it feels like4 yrs. Pain and weakness are daily. I am getting PT and working on regaining strength. Friends have to take me to all appointments as not to leave the home without someone as high fall risk. Life gets difficult.

    Like

    • booksnbakery September 20, 2016 at 10:16 am #

      I’m sorry I havent’ responded sooner – I am so sorry you are going through that! It is so incredibly hard when, as if pain and weakness aren’t enough, you can’t drive yourself anywhere. I have been there. I’m so sorry. But don’t lose heart! Each day has something to be grateful for (even if it’s just that the pain meds take the edge off the pain or that your couch/bed is as comfy as it is) Blessings

      Like

  2. m September 22, 2016 at 12:39 pm #

    Your heartbreaking post reminded me of this verse from Psalm 56:8
    “You keep track of all my sorrows.You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.” He knows and understands your pain and cries with you. You are not alone, ever.

    Like

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