Taking a Step Back

25 Jan

After just having a little breakdown stemming from frustration and pain, I’ve come to a realization.

Chronic pain is kicking my butt. Going on 11 years now and while I know I have shared here on SGL about it, I try not to over-share. To be depressing and whatnot about the struggle I am going through – what’s slightly funny about that is that if we were to sit and talk, my health is something that comes up quite frequently. Shrug. Not sure what the difference is there, but there you go.

But, as I told a friend the other day, “I want my old self back, I want to be who I was that this pain has taken away.” Granted, I have learned a lot going through this. My faith is stronger. I have more of a ‘backbone’. I can empathize with people with other chronic illnesses. While I know there are other things that I have learned along this rock-strewn narrow dirt path, those are the main ones sticking out to me right now.

Sadly, the negatives are the ones echoing through my mind more lately. Hence the crying that just happened. I am so thankful for my sweet OH who knows how to comfort/console/encourage me all in a few words. I am so blessed. My Lord has kept His promise to me – so why is it so easy to get frustrated and beaten down?

Because I’m human. And all too aware of that fact.

This past week I had an open MRI and the people were amazing. If you’re in the Portland (oregon) area and need one, I highly suggest Open Advanced MRI in Gresham. They were professional and helped me through it so much. Due to faxing-issues and the weekend, I am still waiting on the results but have a phone consult scheduled with my doctor on Tuesday.

And what if it doesn’t show the reasons for this drastic decline in health? I don’t know. I am trying to leave that for when I have to worry about it.  I have been struggling with hope so much lately, and adding that seems needless.

Anyway, about that realization I spoke of earlier. What with these migraines limiting me so much lately, I am going to back off on blogging for a time. I am so very sad about this, but since I am only posting about once a week already, I am giving myself permission to do just that – post when I can.

I am trying to get into a career writing – yay! – and with that on top of my health, I think that taking pressure off of myself about SGL will improve….. wow, i can’t even get this sentence out. You all know what I’m trying to say though, right?  Even though the frequency of posting might not really change, the guilt/frustration will ease. So, while I’m sad about not being able to grow SGL in the way I had hoped right now (i had really wanted to get a giveaway set up for Valentine’s Day) , this is needed I think.

Please check out some of my past posts!! Share some of your favorite blogs with me. I get so excited every time you leave a comment – it just makes me happy that you took that time.

I will keep up the new series that I started, of course! I am loving it already and know the word for next month! (giggle-jump for -joy) and might even start working on it today for a-much-needed-encouragement!

Before I sign off, I want to brag on some dear friends who sent me the sweetest care package yesterday. Full of sweet surprises, I felt so very loved. Thank you so much!

~Laura Starr

9 Responses to “Taking a Step Back”

  1. Rose L. January 25, 2015 at 2:05 pm #

    I was trying to remember if it was your back giving you issues or not. I pray that you find something to help ease if not remove the pain you suffer. I used to get bad migraines all of my life and when I was about 45 a doctor finally introduced me to Imitrex, which was amazing! The shot would remove the migraine in less than a minute! It helped me and when I had my uterus and one tube removed, the migraines lessened to only maybe 2 a year!!!! I can live with that!


    • booksnbakery January 25, 2015 at 2:34 pm #

      my back does at times, but overall it’s migraines/jaw pain/everythinng else that goes along with that. =) I’m so glad you found something that helps you! huzzah!!! Imitrex only gave me side effects, no relief sadly.


  2. Holly Loube January 25, 2015 at 2:57 pm #

    I pray for healing your your body. I pray that God will redeem the time that you lost to suffering over the years. I pray that God will comfort you at night. God feels you reach. I pray that you will not feel condemned when you just want to vent and get a few things off your chest. I pray for supernatural healing that will shock the doctors. You are very compassionate and authentic. I even pray for success and prosperity over your writing because boy do you have a gift. You are insightful and an excellent writer, I felt like I was having a conversation with you as I read. God is going to use you to bring EXTREME glory to His name. If you never went through anything, you would’t have a reason to praise Him for your healing. You are thankful and humble.I can’t wait to hear your testimony 🙂


    • booksnbakery January 29, 2015 at 12:43 pm #

      Thank you so much for the beautiful prayer holly. and thank you for the encouragement on my writing!! i so enjoy doing it and am glad to hear you enjoy it. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that by going through hard times is what brings us the most faith and brings the most glory to Him. thank you for that reminder. you’re a dear heart


  3. Maryann Hore January 25, 2015 at 4:31 pm #

    I want to say ditto ditto ditto to Holly’s post! She is so right-on. I love you Laura and I soooooo want to see you feeling good again!


    • booksnbakery January 29, 2015 at 12:44 pm #

      Thank you auntie! her words were so wonderful and spot-on weren’t they? (and psst, i can’t wait to feel well again!)


  4. chucksforchancho January 26, 2015 at 12:18 am #

    Maryann me too! Ditto to Holly’s comment. Seeing you ladies support one another is so comforting to see. Laura I too felt like you were talking directly with me through the words in your post.

    Some of my favorite blogs right now are:






    Maybe you will like them too!


  5. Genevieve January 27, 2015 at 12:13 am #

    Love you my friend! I hope that you take all the time you need and will look forward to whatever posts you do write!


    • booksnbakery January 29, 2015 at 12:47 pm #

      thank you friend! I got to thinking about not being on here as much and got a little sad. heh. really, nothing is probably going to change, just a shift of mentality! but! i’m gonna start writing the monthly book review! come back soon for that!!!


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