Boundaries in Marriage tidbits

i am back! did ya miss me? hehe. i had a great time on my trip – and then turned and re-packed my bag the next day to join my hubby for the week. I decided that seeing him for one day out of about two weeks wasn’t all right with me! 

As I said, I had a wonderful time visiting my friend and her little girl (if you follow me on facebook, you’ve seen a loooot of photos of the little one!). While I was out, I stayed mostly off ‘social media’ as I had planned. I even refrained from approving and replying to comments here on my blog! that part was rather hard, I will admit. But because of being off everything, and traveling, I stopped writing the last week of nanowrimo. I am bummed that i only made it to 5,000 odd words, but I learned a lot and plan on picking up the proverbial pen again soon and getting back into my story! 

I also cut about six inches off my hair a few weeks ago. Yikes. It was fun and something I didn’t plan on doing but while I am glad I did it, I have decided it is too short for me. I love long hair. long – as in halfway (or more) down my back. Part of the reasoning for cutting it though, was that my OH and I are planning on moving to Portland, OR in the near future and I knew it would be easier to manage the transition from dry desert air to humid valley air. 

I am enjoying being a part of the Meaningful Marriage Study – Amberly over at Life with Amberly and Joe started the group. I love love love her blog – marriage is a passion of hers and she shares and spreads that through her blog (and now the marriage study!) I feel that if we were in the same town and were able to meet up over tea (or coffee hehe), i would come away feeling so uplifted and inspired! Check her blog out, I know you will love it.  

We are reading Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Here are some of the notes that I’ve taken through my reading so far. (just to whet your appetite)

Boundary – ownership where one person ends and the other begins.  – — to me, this means that just because you are married, you are still you and they are still them. You know, how in high school, you’d hear about a couple that did everything together and seemed to become as if they were one person instead of ,well, two? yeah. unhealthy, that. 

“Boundaries help us determine who is responsible for what .If we can see that the problem is our problem and that we are responsible for it, then we are in the drivers seat of change.”  — if we are willing to let go of our pride and see that our actions/attitude/whatnot are part of the problem, then we are able to work to fix it. we are not left sitting and waiting and wondering why nothing is changing.

“Responsibility takes action. ” —- ditto to what i said above. 

“Marriage is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom” — i love the last four words ‘deeply rooted in freedom’ . you must feel free in the relationship, free to state your opinion, your wants, your desires. Love exists only where there is freedom.

photo courtesy of unsplash

“The Triangle of boundaries — Freedom – Responsibility – Love” – — each must be free to not react to each other, each must take responsibility of their own problems/issues/stuff and they love the other person no matter what. once again, love exists only where there is freedom.

Some quick examples of boundaries: 

• Words
• Truth (Eph. 4:25)
• Consequences
• Emotional Distance (Prov. 4:23 -only with a pure heart)
• Physical Distance (Prov. 27:12)
• Other People

I hope you have picked up a few things to mull over through these notes. I do have more but don’t want to overwhelm you… =) I am a big note taker (but let me know if you would like more highlights of the book and I’d be glad to share them!) I highly recommend this book and look forward to finishing reading it. 

Tags: boundaries in marriage, dr henry cloud, dr john townsend, marriage advice, nanowrimo